IUI Failed...no big suprise

So, another attempt and another failure. Not a big suprise to us given the odds of success that we were given, but still not a happy thing for sure. I think we have decided to not do any more IUIs given that the more you do without success, the worse your odds become of succeeding. I feel it would be somewhat foolish and irresponsible to spend a $1000 here and there just to give us a sense of hope from time to time. I feel we are better off trying to save the $21,000 that it will take to do the fertility treatment that all of the REs recommend for us (IVF with PGD). Given the amount of money it will require to even try, it will be a VERY long time before we move forward with this process....we'll see when we can actually make it happen. Time is not going to be kind in this equation since after the age of 35 (for women) the odds get worse. Oh well. We will continue to try on our own in the interim and hold onto hope for our chance at a miracle.

IUI

Well, it is all done with. The IUI took place this morning. This wasn't the greatest IUI cycle for us by any means. It wasn't horrible, either. I had two follicles which should have been mature by the IUI today. Our sperm count was a bit low, especially compared to all of the other cycles we have done. They want a washed motile sperm count to be at least above 5 million for IUI. Our final washed motile count today was 7.6 million. An ideal count for IUI would be between 20 and 30 million, although anything above 10 million is pretty good. So, our chances are not the best for this cycle to have worked....but then again, things have never worked out great for us, so this wouldn't be any different. At least this cycle wasn't too invasive or too expensive. I will have a progesterone check in one week. Outside of that, we just wait and do a HPT in two weeks to see if we are pregnant or not. Stay tuned...but don't get too excited...we aren't...

IUI Update

RE appt. for monitoring on Friday was a bit disappointing. I only had one large follicle...and one smaller one. I was told to shoot up one more ampule of menopur and come back on Saturday for more monitoring.

Well, today (Saturday) is of course Ohio State / Michigan game day. Matt ended up dropping me off at the doctor's office for my bloodwork appt. at 7:30am and my u/s appt. at 8am. He left from there to go to the Ohio State alumni bar...he needed to secure parking and then a seat for us for the game. The bar was opening at 8am. Well, while he was doing that, my appointment went just fine. I now have two good follicles for my IUI. After my appointment I had to call a cab company to come get me and then drop me off at the bar. Nurse called and left a message. Apparently my estrogen is high, so they are having me do my IM trigger shot tonight. My IUI will then take place on Monday morning (36 hours after the shot). Well, after all of that....BUCKEYES WIN!!! So, all in all, a very good day. Oh, the things we go through in an effort to start a family AND for the love of football!

New Dress / Updated 'Do

This was before going to the CSU wine tasting event at the historic Oxford Hotel in Lodo. Finally found a stylist who knows how to deal with my hair...she can bust a thick wig like no other. So, my hair is all cleaned up and shaped properly for the first time in about 6 months. Matt and I had a great time at the event downtown. Very fun! On a separate note...already experiencing hot flashes and extremely vivid dreams thanks to the clomid. Only my second day on it, too. This will be fun for sure!

IUI - November 2007

The baseline ultrasound took place today. Perfect as usual. All is quiet on the uterine and ovarian front. I received all of my prescriptions today, and things kickoff tomorrow. I will start the clomid tomorrow (taken cycle days 5 through 9). Two pills once a day...total of 100 mg each day (hot flashes, moodiness, and other side effects go along with this med). On cycle days 9 and 10 I will do one ampule of menopur (one subcutaneous shot each day in the belly). I go back one week from tomorrow for monitoring: bloodwork and u/s. Turns out that I will be doing a trigger shot, and unfortunately it will be an intramuscular injection (think huge needle / butt shot). Just one IM injection isn't too bad, though. So...here we go. Wish we were more excited, but this time we are just sort of going through the motions because the IUI is our cheapest option. Stay tuned....riveting, I know!

Happy Halloween 2007

Haven't updated for a little while. Not much to share, I guess. Just living life in beautiful Colorado. Thought I would put a couple of our Halloween pics on the blog for fun. Batman was an awesome sport, per the usual. Such a good boy!

Gambling in Vegas...or the equivalent of it in the IF world

So, after really no thinking at all, we decided NOT to do the IVF with genetic embryo testing. $20K is way too much money to spend on a possibility. We just aren't into flushing that much money down the toilet at this point. Not sure we will ever be into that, actually.

Dr. Surrey at CCRM told us that in our case doing an IUI would be like gambling in Vegas: the odds are certainly stacked against us. We figured, using his analogy, that there are also circumstances where people beat the odds and win big. So, that is what we are going to do....gamble.

We are all set to do an IUI (with injectables) cycle in November. My biggest hope at this point is that it does not affect the travel that Matt has scheduled for that time. It will be within days of his planned trip, so we are cutting it close. At Kaiser, though, they do not do IUIs in December....and I plan to travel to Chicago in January. It is now or not for quite some time. We chose now.

Here is the rundown:

call the clinic on CD 1

go in anytime prior to CD 5 for ultrasound and bloodwork

take clomid on CD 5 through CD 9

do injections of either menopur or repronex (FSH) on CD 9 and CD 10

go in on CD 12 for ultrasound and bloodwork

wait for natural LH surge (no trigger shot for this cycle!)

after surge is detected, schedule IUI for the following day (I think)

We are not putting a lot of faith or hope into this cycle working. We do know the odds. Even if it does work, I would have at least a 30% chance of another miscarriage. We are willing to take all of the chances, though, because an IUI cycle will only cost us about $1000. I like betting in small amounts.....

We will keep you posted. This cycle will be completed prior to the Thanksgiving holiday. Keep us in your thoughts and wish us luck. We could use some....

Appointment with Dr. Surrey at CCRM

So, we really didn't learn anything new. It was basically what we were expecting. Our best option (and the one Dr. Surrey is recommending) is IVF with genetic testing of embryos prior to putting them back. PGD costs about an additional $4000. They are also doing a study right now at CCRM on a new genetic testing procedure where they test all the embryo cells for all the most common abnormalities. This testing would take 3 to 4 weeks, so all the embryos would have to then be frozen for a later transfer. Because it is a study, it would only cost an additional $1000 (versus the $4000 for PGD). Sadly, they don't discount the cycle itself. You don't have to pay for a full FET cycle, but you still pay for the transfer. He would have us repeat a TON of testing (including FSH...which I JUST DID!), in addition to doing some new sperm tests. All in all, a cycle would cost us at least $20K. Hmmmm...doesn't sound so great to me! Dr. Surrey said even if all the embryos turned out to be bad and we couldn't do a transfer, at least we would have one answer.....yeah, for the low low cost of $20K. Not bad!

Dr. Surrey equated us doing an IUI cycle with gambling in Vegas. It COULD work, but the odds are certainly against us. Yes, but at $1500 a pop, it seems like a nicer bet to take! I think dh and I have decided to do an IUI through our carrier /doctor(Kaiser) in November. I am going to ask him about taking baby aspirin and steroids just as a precaution going into the cycle. If it doesn't hurt, why not?

Anyway, that is the state of the union. His only thought on the miscarriage issue is that it is just bad luck with chromosomal abnormalities of the embryos. Each cycle / batch is different, so we still have hope. No second thoughts on my endometriosis, except he doesn't recommend another surgery, which is good.

So, there ya have it!

More to come down the road, I am sure......

Skydiving - Megan

Skydiving - Matt

Happy Anniversary to Me!!!!

Well, yesterday (September 12th) was our 4 year wedding anniversary. Yay! I celebrated the occasion by taking Matt out to dinner at Maggianos in the DTC (Denver Tech Center). Great wine, food, and company!

Matt one-upped me for sure with his present....we are going sky-diving on Saturday!!! We will be sky-diving with Mile-Hi-Skydiving in Longmont. We will free-fall for approximately one minute at 134 mph. Wow! There will be views of the mountains from where we drop. I have wanted to do this forever, so I really cannot wait! We will update with photos/ video when we can!

On a completely different note, we are going to see a specialist at CCRM on October 4th. Dr. Surrey is an internationally recongnized researcher / specialist in endometriosis. He also works for the #1 fertility clinic in the US. Not bad. If nothing else, knowledge is power. We are looking for insight into our miscarriage issues / the possiblity of success with additional IUIs or other tx. We shall see. We will update after our consult.

In addition, I am leaving on October 5th to meet up with my other "Infertilty Warriors". For the partakers, we are SUPERSTARS AND SURVIVORS! You all know who you are, and I love you dearly! I can't wait to meet you in Mystic, CT!!!!!

Onward and Upward!

Truncated version of the letter sent to the Oprah Show

The Oprah Show wants to know what you have to say in 2000 characters (including spaces) or less, so this is what it had to be:

Part of me will be forever empty without being able to create and bear a child with the man I love. In 4 yrs. my husband and I have done 3 rounds of Clomid, 3 IUIs, 1 fresh IVF cycle, and 2 FETs. I have been pregnant 3 times through treatment, but have lost all 3 pregnancies. When the proliferation of what I am feeling at a certain moment seems overwhelming, I have to remind myself every day that I am nowhere near alone in my suffering. I am one of a countless number of women or couples who have similar stories. Infertility does not discriminate, and it is surely not kind. It affects people of all races, ages, religions, and socio-economic backgrounds. Look at ANY face that you encounter in your life on any given day, and that could be the face of infertility. I attribute my “survival” to my husband and a special group of women whom I have never met face to face. We were all brought together by our similar circumstances and found each other on Fertility Neighborhood website. We come together because we all know what it is like to be asked every day, do you have children? And we all try to nicely shout out “CHILDLESS NOT BY CHOICE!” We have all experienced the same insensitivities put upon us by others who have not walked in our shoes. We come from the US, Trinidad, Greece, and Australia. We have decided to meet for the first time in Oct. in what we are calling a reunion. The whole group can’t come, but we will ALL be there in spirit. I guess if I never get to realize my dream, I can at least say that I found the silver lining in my dark cloud: my other infertility warriors. I would not have known them if not for my struggles. Sometimes we have to dig deep to find our purpose in life, but this group all believes that we have found this out through each other. Brought together by sadness, but triumphant through the unwavering support that we give and receive every day. We wish for peace for all of us in whatever form it comes.

Letter submitted to the editor at People Magazine

Your magazine is titled, People. The title suggests that it actually represents just that, however, the multitude of stories you plaster on your cover aren’t about REAL people. They are about this superfluous group of the upper-echelon of our society that most of us have no real attachment to or understanding of. I applaud the magazine when your do focus on stories which tell about a true cross-section of the real world and give us a glimpse into a life that could very well be our own. Sometimes we want to escape, but other times we desperately want to relate.


So many recent issues focus on the celebrity pregnancy phenomenon of late. Everywhere you turn a new celebrity is sporting a baby bump. The media makes it seem like getting pregnant and having a baby is so easy and that we all should celebrate along with these stars. You have recently touched on the fact, though, that it is NOT that easy for everyone. The story you shared regarding Martha Stewart’s daughter reveals a harsher reality that a large number of women (and couples) face every day, the reality of infertility. I do respect the fact that the article did shed some light upon the hardships involved, but I still feel that it only began to scratch the surface of what infertility is really like. Martha Stewart’s daughter expresses how lucky she is to be able to go through treatments without dire financial consequences. This is sadly not a luxury most people can easily afford. I also know of all the coverage involving Brooke Shields and her journey through infertility. I do not take anything away from Brooke. She truly did suffer and knows the heartache involved in this process. She represents the situation well. However, she also had the financial freedom to continue pursuing her dream for as long as she wanted or could. She also received her miracles and happy endings. So many do not. If you want to know what infertility is REALLY like, I would love to introduce you to myself and a small group of amazing women that I am blessed to know.


I write to you because I am one of the suffering. I am one that looks at the pages of magazines every day and wishes so desperately that I could experience the same joys of pregnancy and motherhood that are displayed in every corner of the print and broadcast world. I listen to the lyrics of the song “I Would Die For That” by Kellie Coffey and think….that is exactly how I feel. I (embarrassingly) internally cringe, wince, and feel sad every time I see a pregnant woman on the streets, at the store, or at the gym. I am happy for friends that achieve this dream with or without effort, but also grieve for myself every time since I am not able to share in or relate to their experiences. At this point in my life, it is not in my cards to join that special club.


I am relatively young (33). I am in excellent health. I have an amazing relationship with my husband. In all of this I am blessed. But, part of me will be forever empty without being able to create and bear a child with the man I love. I suffer from mild endometriosis, but outside of that, there is no explanation for my inability to conceive. I have been through every test under the sun to no avail. I have been through a total of over two years of trying to conceive the natural way. I have been through almost two years of treatments as well. My husband and I have tried 3 rounds of Clomid, three IUIs, one fresh IVF cycle, and two FETs. The amount of shots I have received or given myself is too numerous to tally. I have managed to become pregnant three times through treatment, but have devastatingly lost all three chances at motherhood early on. Suffering from recurrent pregnancy loss or recurrent miscarriage is an added complication to our situation. I have been through all the tests related to miscarriage as well, but once again, there is no explanation for my situation, except for bad luck. Becoming pregnant in the future sadly does not guarantee us a happy ending.


I cannot even begin to put into words the roller-coaster of emotions that have accompanied our journey thus far. At this point, my husband and I no longer have the proper insurance coverage to pursue more attempts, and we do not have enough rainy day cash to pay for the treatments all by ourselves. And, although we are strong, we are not sure that we have gained back enough emotional strength to try again. We are in limbo. We do not know our fate at this time, but we have to hold on to the belief that we will be given our blessing in time.


I have to remind myself every day that I am nowhere near alone in my suffering. This sad but simple fact is what keeps me from feeling too sorry for myself, even when the proliferation of what I am feeling at a certain moment can seem suffocating. I am one of a countless number of women or couples who have similar stories. Infertility does not discriminate, and it is surely not kind. It affects people of all races, ages, religions, and socio-economic backgrounds. Look at ANY face that you encounter in your life on any given day, and that could be the face of infertility.


I have survived my journey to this point by gaining strength through each step and failure, and by knowing that I will be okay in the end, no matter the outcome. I try to hold onto the thought that I was faced with this challenge because I could handle it, where others could not. My marriage is stronger today because my husband and I have a faced all of this together. We share a bond that many others could not truly understand. In our grief and our perseverance we have grown closer.


My husband is not the only reason that I have come through this with my dignity, my sense of humor, and most of myself intact. I also attribute my “survival” to a special group of women whom I have never met face to face. We were all brought together by our similar circumstances, and by our need to reach out to others who could understand. We have been “by each other’s sides” throughout various parts of our journeys, and we continue to support each other every day. We have all found each other on the Fertility Neighborhood website on a posting thread entitled “Anyone in 2ww – 2007”. We share the good and bad times, and through it all have become great friends. We bring levity to our situations by talking about everyday topics in addition to the common link that brought us together. We come from NJ, MA, PA, IL, MI, CO, CA, Trinidad, Greece, and Australia. Some of us have realized our dreams, while others are still pursuing them. It is an amazing thing that we have found….true friendship and understanding.


This friendship and understanding is what is bringing some of our group together in person for the first time. We have decided to meet in what we are calling a “reunion”. At least 8 of us will be meeting up in Mystic, CT in October this year. Others are not able to come at the time for various reasons. Some of our friends are continuing treatment and cannot travel. Others do not have the financial means to join us given that they are saving up to pay for their next attempt. Others are living in foreign countries, and it just isn’t feasible for them to make the trip at this time. HOWEVER, we will ALL be there in spirit.


We come together because we all know what it is like to be asked every day… do you have children? We can share in the sometimes uncomfortable responses, trying to nicely shout out “CHILDLESS NOT BY CHOICE!” We understand members of our group who have a child, but who have suffered for them, and who are currently suffering to have another. We know the realities: you will not automatically get pregnant if you “relax”, you will not be granted a pregnancy just because you have now chosen to adopt, you will not be blessed just because you stopped caring. In other words, we have all experienced the same insensitivities put upon us by others who have not walked in our shoes.


Some people think we are crazy or too trusting to pack our bags and hop on a plane or drive to a destination to meet a bunch of people we only “know” from the internet. But, I can guarantee you, nobody knows me better than this small melting pot of women. Nobody understands my good days and bad days in a more profound way. I guess if I never get to realize my dream of being a mommy, I can at least say that I found the silver lining in my dark cloud: my other infertility warriors. I would have never known them had it not been for my struggles. Sometimes we have to dig deep to find our purpose in life or to find the meaning of our fates, but this group all believes that we have found those things through each other. We were brought together by misery and struggle, but we triumph through the unwavering support that we give and receive on this special board every day.


We all hope that by sharing our stories (whether through the support boards, through the media, or just through our interactions with each other) that we will help other people out there who feel they are suffering through this alone. We hope to educate in order to facilitate a better understanding with our “fertile friends” out there. We wish for peace for all of us in whatever form it comes.

CCT Results

The CCT is now complete, and the results are in. Everything looks really good, and I have a good ovarian reserve (good eggs).

FSH levels day 3: 6.3
FSH levels day 10: 4.0

E2 levels day 3: 26
E2 levels day 10: 178

They want the FSH levels to be under 10, and they like to see a decrease in the levels between day three and day ten. The E2 level on day three should be less than 80. On day 10 it should have increased. Mature follicles (right before ovulation) general have an E2 level of 200. With mine being 178, it indicates that I have one follicle near maturation and that ovulation will happen soon.

Anyway, since our results are good, we are free to continue trying naturally...and we are also candidates to do IUIs (and/or IVF) in the future if we want. All good news.

Clomid Challenge Test (CCT)

My RE with Kaiser suggested doing a CCT in order to find out if my ovaries are still acting their age. Everything else has been ruled out as an issue, so he felt it only made sense to do this one last thing. If everything is fine with the test, it means that we should be able to continue trying on our own, or with treatment....nothing really standing in our way.

The test consists of a blood draw on cycle day3, taking clomid from cycle days 5 through 9, and repeating the blood draw on cycle day 10. They are checking FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) and estradiol (estrogen / E2) levels.

My cycle day three draw resulted in the following:
FSH level of 6.3 (anything under 10 is promising)
E2 level of 26 (anything under 80 is a good sign...mine is on the low side of normal, but not probelmatic)

So, now I am taking clomid (think moodiness, headaches / dizziness, hot flashes). Will keep you posted on the next results.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

Great song and video! Very meaningful.

Not much to report....

Not a whole lot to report on here. Everything is going swimmingly here in C-O-L-O-R-A-D-O. The weather has been a bit sloppy and ugly here the past week, but we look forward to great weather in the week ahead. Last weekend we dusted off the mountain bikes and road from Parker to Cherry Creek Resevoir. Great ride, but a little much for the first outing of the season (about 40 miles round trip). We've been entertaining family and friends this past weekend (betting on the Kentucky Derby and celebrating Cinco de Mayo) and now have to get back to running errands and finishing up punch list items at the house. Nothing new on the fertility front because....we are done with that bit for now and maybe forever. Ahhhh...feels kind of nice not to be stuck full of holes and drowning in hormones. Gotta run....updates will be posted on an erratic and unscheduled basis.

Ground Zero

Well, we are now at a technical negative. I went to a clinic here in Parker to have my beta done again last Wednesday. It came back at an 8, which this lab considers a negative pregnancy test. I am all in the clear and have been released from my RE. Now, we do nothing but enjoy our new home, our new town, and each other. It feels kind of nice for a change.

The house is coming together quite well. EVERYTHING is unpacked, and most everything is put away and decorated. We don't waste any time. I love cooking in my huge new kitchen. It is quite lovely. To view some pics of the new place (we didn't take an exterior photo/nor did we take any of the master or the baths), feel free to visit our photo website: http://www.picasaweb.google.com/ritter911

Take care!

Track Marks

Well, apparently I get to continue adding to my track mark collection. My numbers on Wednesday last week were still positive at 26.2. My RE is requesting to still monitor my numbers down to negative even though I have moved out of state. I will be going for another blood draw this Wednesday and hoping for the best. I can't even begin to tell you how sick I am of this process. It takes twice as long to go through the miscarriage process as anything else it seems. Oh well.

We are now in our new home in Colorado. That is the good news! The bad news is the contract on our home in VA fell through, so we now technically own two homes. Oh joy! We desperately hope that it sells quickly now that it is back on the market. Wish us luck! It is beautiful in our new home and new neighborhood. The neighbors are great as well. I think this is going to be a great move all around for us.

On the move!

Hi all! This is Megan's husband Matt that is posting today. Megan wanted me to report that she must return for one more blood test as her hormone levels were still above 30 as of this morning. She will return on Thursday for one final test.

Thursday also happens to be the day we are moving from Virginia to our new home in Parker, CO. I have spent the last two months there at my new job and recently closed on a home for us. We are now in a golf course community with access to the Cherry Creek bike path system, which means we can ride from our home in Parker, through Cherry Creek, and into downtown Denver!! It is really one of the best bike systems in the country. Our home has views of Pike's Peak from the loft area as well as front range views from the master bedroom. We welcome all visitors, so book your flight today.

Talk to you soon from the Mile High City!

M&M

We have no bananas today...

I have no idea what that is supposed to mean. It has nothing to do with anything really, but that is what was running through my head when I was posting, so there ya have it.

My beta HCG levels were down again today, but still not low enough for me to be released. They came back at 69.5....uuggghhh! I have to test again on Monday, and that should be the last blood draw. Good thing, too, since we are moving next week. Oh well.

More on Blood...

I had my repeat beta test today, and my HCG levels are now down to 555. I have to go back in one to two weeks to repeat the test again. The levels must be below 5 before I will be "released".

On another blood note...we got the results of our chromosome tests today. Everything came back normal. So, the miscarriages are unexplained and just plain bad luck, I guess. At least we can try on our own without too much worry. I am still likely to have additional miscarriages if I have future pregnancies, but there is still a chance that I can have a healthy pregnancy too. It is all a numbers game...aren't statistics fun???

Blood Updates

So, first off, today was my beta test. The RE is going to follow my beta HCG levels down to zero. They came back today at just over 3000. So, they are dropping, but I still have a long way to go. I will go back next Wednesday for a repeat test.

Regarding the lab work-ups for Matt and myself: the chromosome tests are not back yet and will not be back for a few more weeks. The other tests that were done on me have come back. These tests show that I have a low RBC / am anemic (B12 and folate deficiencies), which has no bearing on anything really.

My MTHFR test came back identifying a single gene mutation (C677t). If this mutation is found in conjunction with high homocystein levels it is indicative of a clotting disorder that could cause miscarriage if not treated. My homocystein levels are actually below normal levels, so this was not the cause of my miscarriages. The only thing that I need to do if I get pregnant is to take larger than normal amounts of folic acid. Outside of that, all of my blood tests were normal. So, we will wait on the last of the tests to figure out if there is a concern or not. Stay tuned in the coming weeks for more updates.

D&C

The D&C was performed yesterday at Shady Grove in Rockville, MD. Outside of a couple of minor complications, things went well. I have low blood pressure to start with (was 105/70 after being hooked up to my IV), and my heart rate has a new tendency of dropping fairly low during surgical procedures. Such was the case yesterday, so they gave me some extra juice in my IV to start the party back up. Also, my uterus is supposed to contract following the procedure in order to control any bleeding. Mine, unfortunately, was just not in the mood. They had to give additional juices in the IV to get my uterus to cooperate, and I was sent home with more meds to keep things controlled. I had to take a pill at 6pm, midnight, 6am, and I have one more left to take at noon today. These pills will keep any additional bleeding in check, and I should be just fine after that. I have to take it easy for a few days while I begin to recuperate. Next week I will have to go in for blood work to make sure that my beta HCG levels are going down. They will follow them down to zero again. So, that is my story, and I am sticking to it.

D&C Scheduled

My D&C has been scheduled for 1:45pm on Wednesday, February 28th (today). I will have to arrive at 12:15pm to get settled into my lovely hospital garb and get hooked up to some juice. My gracious neighbor Angela has arranged to drive me there and back. (So no one is left out....my equally gracious mother-in-law had offered to fly out to be with me, but I certainly did not want to ruin a perfectly planned trip to Florida.) Batman will be at home waiting to take good care of me when I return later in the day. What a nice boy.

I have not received any results from our labs yet, but I will update the page as they come in.

Final Ultrasound - Next Steps

We had our final ultrasound appointment today, and it did confirm what we already knew...that this is another non-viable pregnancy. Due to the fact that the gestational sac and yolk sac are still growing, and the sac is not collapsing, I am going to have to be scheduled for a D&C next week. So, this will be the second surgery due to miscarriage in the past year. Not fun, but at least it will get this all over with quickly. That helps...

Matt and I both went and had our blood drawn today. We are trying to find any answers for why we suffer from recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL). Matt had one vial of blood drawn for karyotyping (checking for chromosomal abnormalities). I, on the other hand, had 14 vials of blood drawn to check for chromosomal abnormalities, clotting disorders or issues, and autoimmune disorders. We are almost hoping that they don't find anything wrong...chromosomal problems would be bad for sure. Anything else they could probably treat. If they don't find anything, it will just be left as unexplained, and we would still have a 60% chance of having a healthy pregnancy at some point (although we could still go through a few more miscarriages before getting there).

Anyway, that is the general state of the union. Not much else to report for now. Thanks again to everyone who has supported us during these difficult times. It is greatly appreciated.

Ultrasound Results - Very Discouraging

The ultrasound did not go well today. Although there was some blood flow activity, it might have just been from the uterus where the placenta is trying to attach. There was no obvious fetal cardiac activity, which you would definitely expect to have by this point. My yolk sac is now measuring far behind. I have to go back a week from tomorrow for one more scan, but my RE is very discouraged. It is more than likely that I am going to suffer another miscarriage. I will probably find out next week if I will have to have another D&C. At this point my RE wants to get lab orders to do chromosomal testing on Matt and me. She also wants to run labs to see if I have any type of clotting disorder. These tests could lend insight into why I suffer from recurrent miscarriages. I am holding off for right now because I am not sure that our COBRA insurance will cover it, and I am not sure if the new insurance will cover it either. I think those tests have to be expensive, but I don't know for sure. Anyway, that is the news. Thanks for all of your support.

Weather Delay

Due to the fact that we received 3.5 inches of SLEET overnight, my ultrasound has been postponed until 11:45 am tomorrow. My RE called me personally to say that she didn't want me to drive in all the way from Warrenton today. The whole metro DC area is basically shut down. So, check in again tomorrow afternoon for the results.

Sonogram Results

I had my sonogram today at 6 weeks and 1 day into my pregnancy. I was hoping to see the heart beat today, but unfortunately that did not happen. I asked my RE if that meant we should prepare for the worst, and she said no. She said that there is no clinical reason for her to be concerned at this point. With frozen embryo transfers the development can sometimes be a little bit slower than with a fresh cycle. She reassured me that I am NOT measuring behind this time (which brings some relief). The gestational sac increased from 7mm last week to 15mm this week. I also now have a visible yolk sac and the start of a fetal pole (which will eventually have the heart beat in it, we hope). So, we remain on pins and needles until next Wednesday. It is basically a must for us to see a heart beat by that point in time. I figure it was meant to happen this way...my appointment is set for Valentine's Day, which is all about the heart. Right? Ok, maybe I am digging here...but I am trying to see things from a positive perspective. Given my past history, I will continue to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Keep praying or thinking happy thoughts for us!

Another little victory...

The ultrasound today went well. We only have one visible pregnancy sac, but it is there. The RE apologized for causing us any anxiety, but with my numbers he wanted to make sure that the pregnancy was in the right place. Well, the sac is in the appropriate place and is the appropriate size for this point in my pregnancy. The slower rise in my number could mean that another one or two of the embryos were trying to "stick" and started giving off pregnancy hormones initially, then stopped after not making it. We are scheduled for our first "real" ultrasound next Wednesday, February 7th. At that ultrasound we hope to see a yolk sac, fetal pole, and a heartbeat. These would all indicate a viable pregnancy. So, in another six days we hope to celebrate yet another little victory on this journey.

Note: after tomorrow, we will definitely be without a computer until at least February 7th. If you need to contact us, please use the numbers listed in a previous post. If not, we will update once the new computer arrives next week!

Hoping for the best, yet preparing for the worst

I had my final beta test today, and my HCG levels came back lower than they would have liked. My previous number was 5533, and my number today was 7203. They would have liked a 50 to 60% increase, and I fell about 1000 short of that. They are bringing me in early for an ultrasound. My appointment is scheduled for 8:45am tomorrow. The RE says that sometimes such high initial numbers means that more than one embryo implanted. If that happened, one of them might be lagging behind and might not make it, which could explain the less than perfect increase in my numbers. That would be a nice scenario, as one embryo could still possibly be ok. The other scenario would be that we could lose the entire pregnancy again. All we can do is wait and see what tomorrow brings. Continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers....every little bit helps.

Just kidding...for now...

Ok - so, we will have a computer at least through Friday afternoon now. After that, our new home computer will be here around the 7th or so of February. We will be offline for a short period of time in between.

Getting to the point of the matter, my beta number came back yesterday at 5533. After the levels hit 1200 it takes between 72 and 96 hours for the numbers to double. Mine a little more than doubled in 72 hours, so that was good. My nurse said the rise in level was a good rise, and my number is a strong number.

My final beta test will be tomorrow morning. I will update the blog in the afternoon. I should be scheduled for my first ultrasound following tomorrow's beta results.

Thanks to all of our faithful supporters, lurkers, and fans!

This message brought to you by M&M....

After today, we may not be able to update the blog for a couple / few weeks. Matt will be giving his computer back to Porsche, so we will be without internet access until our new home computer arrives. Please feel free to call us to get updates!

Home: 540-349-9251
Megan cell: 440-281-1473

Thanks for all of your support and prayers!

The OFFICIAL Results!!!

So, now the "real" results are in. I am PREGNANT once again. Our HCG number came back at 2615 this time, which is a really strong number. As one of the nurses told us to do....celebrate the little victories. This is the first step, and at least it was a good first step for us. I will go back on Monday for another blood draw to make sure that the numbers are rising appropriately. I will more than likely have a total of three beta tests prior to scheduling my first ultrasound. The ultrasound will be scheduled for my six week mark, which will be about 1.5 weeks from now. Stay tuned and continue with the positive thoughts and prayers for us! We appreciate it.

The UNOFFICIAL Results

For anyone who is still checking the blog page religiously, or even sporadically, you get to know the unofficial results before anyone else. Hopefully you can tell what the tests above mean, but for those of you who cannot...it means that I am pregnant. So, the total rollercoaster ride begins for Matt and I once again. I have had spotting and cramping for two days(both have all but ceased today), but more than likely this can be attributed to implantation (feel free to look up information on the web regarding this phenomenon). It is too early for it to mean much of anything else. Scary, still...but my nurse says not to worry about it. I have my OFFICIAL beta hCG test this coming Friday, January 26th. We will keep you all posted while we are on this terrifying ride for the third time. Keep thinking very happy thoughts for us!

FET Update

(note: this picture, taken from AFC of Chicago's website, shows a hatching blastocyst)

Transfer took place yesterday, January 12th. Our regular RE surprised us by showing up to do the transfer herself. You never know who you are going to get, and she wasn't scheduled to be there, but she really wanted to do the transfer for us....so she did. There.

Anyway, everything went really well. All three remaining embryos made the thaw, so we put back all three minis. Our RE said they looked like fresh blastocysts! Two of them were graded at 100% (perfect), and one was graded at 80% (not great, but not horrible). One of our "perfect" embryos was already starting to hatch which is a very promising sign. The embryos hatch from their shell (zona pallucida) in order to be able to implant into the uterine lining. This is the first time we have had one hatching prior to transfer, so it does give us some hope.

Our beta (pregnancy) test will be done on January 26th, so we will keep you informed...good, bad, or otherwise. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!

Transfer

We are scheduled for the FET at 3:30pm in the Rockville, MD office. I have to arrive at 3pm with a full bladder, as usual. We apparently drew the short straw for transfer times because going home we will be stuck right in the middle of DC rush-hour traffic on a Friday evening. Lovely! Oh well. I will update again after my 24 hours of bedrest.....wish us luck!

If at first you don't conceive....try, try again!

I had my lining and estrogen check this morning. Per the usual, all went well. My levels came back fine, and my lining was "8.6, beautiful, with a three-layer effect". This is exactly what they want going into transfer-time. I start my PIO IM injections this evening (1cc daily) which goes along with my del estrogen IM shots (every third day). One of the nurses will call on Thursday to let us know what time the transfer will take place Friday afternoon. As agreed upon earlier, we will be thawing the remaining three frozen M&M minins. We will "put back" however many make the thaw. I will reamin on bedrest for 24 hours, so I will post again sometime after Saturday afternoon.

Thanksgiving 2006

Here is a pic of Matt, my two nieces, and myself on Thanksgiving day. We are so cool!

Christmas 2006

Here is a pic of my mom and I while decorating my parent's Christmas tree. Batman was kind enough to pee on the tree for them. It was a live tree that was still balled because my parents were going to plant it in their yard after the holidays. Batman thought that was cool!

Little over a week to go...

I have had three del estrogen injections so far. My lining check is scheduled for Monday, and I will begin the PIO shots that night if all is clear. Totally uneventful as usual. I am ready for transfer on Jan. 12th, so it can't get here soon enough!

Cycle Day One...come and gone

Well, cycle day one hit on December 26th. I went in this morning for my cycle day 2 baseline ultrasound and blood work. Everything was fine, as usual. I will begin the del estrogen IM injections this evening, and I will get one every three days. I have to go back on January 8th for my lining check, which is also the day that I will begin the PIO IM shots. I am still scheduled for a January 12th transfer.

3 BCPs to go...after Sunday will be done!

I can't hardly wait to be done with the BCPs. They are making me miserable, and I will spare everyone the intimate details of my actual misery. After Sunday I will be all done with them, and I will have my ultrasound and blood work on the 28th as scheduled. The del estrogen shots will begin that day, and our countdown to the FET on January 12th will truly start. I still can't wait until the day prior to transfer when I have my 1 hour and 20 minute Swedish massage....aaaahhhhh!

13 BCPs to go, but who is counting????

Oh yeah, I am. Uggh. They truly suck, but oh well. My yoga 4 fertility dvd arrived yesterday, and I gave it a whirl this morning. I really liked it. It has a lot of great stuff to help you relax and focus, and the yoga poses are great. It will take awhile for my body to be able to do some of the poses perfectly / properly, but I will get there. I am certainly glad I ordered it. I also made my appointment for my massage the day prior to transfer. I am going for an EIGHTY minute swedish massage...yay! I am so excited for that! Well, I must go down a cup of hot raspberry leaf tea....

11 days down...18 more to go

I am 11 days into the BCPs, and I still do not like them anymore than I have in the past. But, I only have 18 more days to go, so it isn't the end of the world. For this FET cycle, I am taking a very positive and relaxed approach. I have begun incorporating a variety of holisitc / homeopathic variables into the mix. I am doing yoga and will soon begin doing a yoga specific for women with fertility issues (a yin form of yoga). I really enjoy this form of exercise as it makes me feel relaxed yet very strong. I have started taking a bubble bath at least once a week while listening to a relaxation CD and reading. I am eating pumpkin seeds (known for holisitc properties regarding the female reproductive system) and drinking a lot of raspberry leaf tea (known for toning and strengthening the uterus and regulating female cycles). I am eating well, although this is nothing new or out of the ordinary. I have put my diet Coke aside for the most part, and I generally drink naturally flavored sparkling water in addition to my tea. The day prior to my frozen transfer I plan to go for a massage. After the transfer I will continue with my yin yoga, and I also plan to go for a facial. I don't know if any of this will result in a pregnancy this time around, but I do know that I am feeling much more in control of what we are doing, and I feel very positive and calm. That, in and of itself, certainly can't do any harm.

Family Holiday Photo

This is the one that is being used to create our Christmas cards. Batman displayed the utmost patience as he was staged for this photo-op. He did try to eat his "arm" on several occasions, but other than that he was a good boy.

FET Round Two....Ding

Well, we are now onto our second FET journey. I started my birth control pills (BCPs) on Sunday, and I will take them for 29 days this time. I will take my last pill on December 24th, my next cycle should begin on December 27th, and I will go in for a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork on December 28th. If all goes well with the baseline workup, then I will begin my del estrogen IM shots again on that same day. Sometime after that the PIO shots will follow suit. My transfer date is tenatively set for January 12th. We have decided to tranfer all three remaining frozen M&M minis, that is if they all survive the thaw. Our estimated beta HCG test would be on / around January 24th.

Thoughts are confirmed....it is official!

Had the beta HCG test today, and it came back negative. Neither frozen embryo "took". My RE called me personally to deliver the news. She is allowing us to go straight into another FET cycle, so I will begin BCPs again sometime in the next week. We will be doing a transfer with the remaining three frozen minins (whichever ones survive the thaw) in early January. This is one of our last attempts, so we hope it works.

Please keep thinking positive thoughts for us!

Thanks - Megan and Matt! =-)

Nothing New - 8dp FET

Eight days past the FET and still just waiting. I have no real symptoms or signs this time around. Although it is still fairly early, I did do an HPT, which as expected came back negative. So, I am not terribly confident that the FET worked for us. I won't have the official word until sometime on Tuesday afternoon, but we already have a gameplan in place if needed. Our follow-up with our RE will be on December 19th. If we have the funds in place through insurance, I will probably start BCPs again in December and do a transfer with the remaining frozen embryos (3) in late January / early February. We shall see...it isn't over until the infertility lady sings (she is a cousin of the fat lady).

4dp FET

We are four days past our FET. Just counting down the days until our beta test....

FET, November 8th

The FET took place yesterday just as planned. The embryologist only had to thaw two embryos to get the two to put back. That is great news, and it means that we still have three frozen minis waiting if we need them. The two embryos that they put back were rated a "95". The RE said that she likes them to be between 90 and 100, and ours were. She said they were "excellent". I had to come home and remain on bedrest until today at 1:30pm. I am now on two to four days of light activity. Once that is over, I am able to resume light to moderate walking for exercise. That is about all I am allowed to do...no weights, no running, no heavy aerobic activities, etc. We will go back to the RE's office on November 21st for our beta HCG test (pregnancy test). Until then, we just wait and hope.

FET TIME!

The nurse just called, and I am all scheduled for my FET tomorrow. I have to arrive at the Rockville, MD facility at 12:15pm ready to go with a very full bladder. The actual transfer is set to take place at 12:45pm. So, as of tomorrow afternoon I will (hopefully) have two minis back where they belong. I have a bunch of magazines and a new book waiting for me when I return home for my 24 hours of bedrest. I even pre-made a casserole so that my lovely husband doesn't have to worry about working and cooking while I lay around like a slob. Twelve days from tomorrow we should have our results. Wish us luck!

Five more days to go!

Well, I had my lining check and blood work appointment on Friday. Everything was lovely. My uterus was lovely. My blood was lovely. My ovaries were quiet and lovely. All was just.....lovely. I will begin the PIO IM shots today. They will go along with the del estrogen shots that I will still be getting every third day. Today is one of those "third days", so lucky me gets two shots this evening. I can't wait! We will receive a call sometime prior to Wednesday to let us know what time the transfer will take place. It will be in the afternoon, as the embryologist needs to thaw out the frozen minis prior to our arrival. After the transfer (which is exactly what it is like for a fresh IVF cycle), I will come home and be on 24 hours of bed rest followed up by two to three days of light activity. It will be around the 20th or 21st that we will have our beta HCG test to see if the minis "took" or not. Oh joy!

Getting a little bit closer...

This FET process seems like it takes forever, because you do so little that the time passes much more slowly. With IVF and IUIs you are stimming, doing ultrasounds, getting blood drawn, and etc. ALL the time. With the FET, there is hardly anything to do.

At this point, I have received four del estrogen injections. Matt is an old pro at this point as far as giving the IM shots is concerned. He just may have a second career as a "shot giver guy". I'm sure "those guys" make a ton of money. I have another injection on Wednesday, and then I go in for my lining check (ultrasound) and bloodwork on Friday. That is when things will really get moving. More shots, more often. A week from this Wednesday should be our transfer. I am hoping that our frozen M&M minis survive the thaw all right. We only have five left...

So - stay tuned to this absolutely riveting process! I'm sure y'all are glued to your computers just waiting for the next exciting post.

Matt and Mr. Duvall

Matt and Robert Duvall during the trophy presentation at the 69th International Gold Cup. Also included is a photo of the horses jumping during the Porsche sponsored race. Beautiful day!October 21,2006

M&M with Mr. Robert Duvall

Here is a photo of Matt and I with Robert Duvall. The shot was taken at the 69th annual International Gold Cup which was sponsored by Porsche and two of Matt's local dealers. Matt did a trophy presentation with Mr. Duvall, so we were able to meet and briefly chat with him. He lives in the area and enjoys being present at this event when he can. He is a very nice guy, and it was such a trip hanging out up there. The event was a big success, and I am very proud of my husband for pulling it all together in such a short amount of time. Good job, baby!

Grab your needles....let the shots begin again!

Everything went well at the RE's office today. The RE said that my uterus looked like it was "ready for some embryos". The lining was fine, and my uterus and both ovaries were "quiet". Apparently the blood work came back clear as well because we will begin the del estrogen IM injections this evening.

I will draw up .2 ml of the del estrogen using an 18G needle. Matt will inject the oily solution using a 22G x 1" needle. These needles are so much better than the 1 1/2" ones I used for most of my IVF cycle....my body is too little for the longer needles. Anway....these shots will be administered every third night through the time of transfer (and well after). On November 3rd I need to go back to the RE's office for another lining check and more blood work. If all looks good on that day, the following day I will begin doing the PIO IM injections along with the del estrogen IM injections. The PIO shots, unfortunately, need to be given every day. I will continue these shots for five days, and then we will have the transfer done on November 8th. Through all of this, I also must take a pre-natal vitamin and a baby aspirin every day.

So - we are once again getting close.........to what??? Who knows. We'll keep you posted.

TODAY IS DAY ONE!

So, today is the first day of my cycle! That means tomorrow I go in for my baseline ultrasound and bloowork, and more than likely I will begin my del estrogen IM inejctions tomorrow night. This is the official kickoff of our FET cycle. Stay tuned.....

Surviving 12,304 feet - M&M in the Rockies

Here is a beautiful shot of ourselves at the top of the Rocky Mountains in Colorado. The wind was a blowing somethin' fierce that day, but we were still able to travel up and over via Trail Ridge Road. We hiked up as far as we could into the tundra. Awesome! What a great trip!

Out with the BCPs

So, I am finally finished with the BCPs after taking them for 21 days. Now I sit and wait for my next cycle to begin so that we are able to kick off the FET process. On the first day of my cycle I will begin taking baby aspirin along with my prenatal vitamin. On the second day of my cycle I must travel to the clinic to have my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork completed. If everything looks ok then I will begin my del estrogen IM injections on day two as well. About 17 days into injections of both del estrogen (only given every third day) and PIO (given every day starting 12 days into the del estrogen shots), we will be able to do our actual transfer. We are getting excited, but it also seems surreal. I don't know if we are more relaxed about this attempt given that we lack hope in general, or if it is just old school to us at this point in time. Who knows....but we are doing it anyway. Here's to the start of another journey (good, bad or indifferent)!

BCPs Begin

Just a quick update. I began the BCPs on Wednesday, September 27th. This is the first step in the FET process. After I complete 21 days on the BCPs, I will wait for my next cycle and then kick off the rest of the fun. My tenative date for the FET is November 8th, but this will likely change as we get closer. We will keep y'all posted.

Busy week - Finally Moving Forward

It has been a busy week, so I am only now getting around to updating our blog. Sorry to anyone who is still actually checking in on us.

I had my fourth beta test on Wednesday, and I am very pleased to say that my HCG levels are now down to ZERO. I am finally "un-pregnant" and am able to move forward with treatment.

Matt and I had our follow-up / consult with the RE on Friday. She said that our IVF was absolutely "ideal" from a medical perspective. It was perfect. The fact that I miscarried was a fluke. The doc said that not all embryos are meant to be a baby, and that mine was one that wasn't meant to be. She feels that our chances are still very good to get pregnant and have a child. She is a straight shooter, so the fact that she is so hopeful makes me feel optimistic (albeit cautiously optimistic). The success rate at this clinic for frozen embryo transfers (FETs) is about 30 to 40%. Dr. Browne, our primary RE, has now given us the green light to move on to our FET.

At the start of my next cycle (which will be in the next one to three weeks) I will begin birth control pills (BCPs). The BCPs just "quiet" my reproductive system and give a good baseline to start the process. I will be on the BCPs for 21 days. After ending the BCPs my cycle should start again in three to five days. With the start of that cycle in October, I will have to go in on my "day 2" for a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. If everything is in order, then I will begin del estrogen injections. These will be intramuscular (IM) injections that I have to receive once every three days. After twelve days I will go back in for another ultrasound and more bloodwork. If my uterine lining looks good, then I will proceed with progesterone in oil (PIO) IM injections. These will be daily injections, just like I had to do with my IVF. After five days of PIO IM injections, I will be ready to go in for my transfer. On the day of transfer we will travel to Rockville, MD to the main Shady Grove clinic location. The embryologist will start by thawing two of our embryos (we have five frozen). If both survive the thaw, then those will be the minis that we put back in my uterus. If one or both don't survive, then they will continue thawing until we have two embryos to put back. After the transfer, I will be on 24 hours of bedrest again, followed by a few days of light activity. I will have to continue doing the PIO IM injections up through the pregnancy test. If I am pregnant, then the PIO shots will continue for a LONG time. If not, they will stop, and that will be that.

So - that is our protocol in a nutshell. The FET will actually take place in the beginning to middle of November, depending on when my cycles arrive. We will keep you posted as we forward with our next attempt at starting our family.

Blood Test #3....still going....and going...

Well, I had my third "post D&C" blood draw today. My beta HCG numbers dropped from 42 down to 14.1. The numbers must be below five to be negative, so I still have to go back for one more needle stick. Ouch! Oh well...next week's test should be the last one. We also have our follow-up / consult appointment with our RE next week on Friday. We will discuss the miscarriage and our next steps at that time. Hopefully we will be on track to do the FET at the end of October...we'll have to wait and see.

Blood Test #2

I went for my second "post D&C" beta test today, and my hormone levels are now down to 42. They still need to get below 5 before I am done with bloodwork. Anything less than five means "not pregnant anymore". I have another blood draw next Wednesday...hopefully it will be the last.

Blood Test #1

I had my first post D&C blood test yesterday. My beta-HCG levels are down to 129. This is a HUGE drop, which is what they would expect. I have to go back in one week to have my levels checked again. They need to have my levels be less than five (a technical negative) in order to clear me for any upcoming treatments. So - next Wednesday it is back to the RE's office again. Hopefully that will be the last time prior to our follow-up and consult on September 15th.

No More Restrictions!

I had my surgical follow-up yesterday with my OB. She said that everything looks good, and I should not have any problems moving forward. I have been "released" from my restrictions, and I am now free to begin working out and leading a normal life again. I am past the point where I could get an infection, so nothing more to worry about here. She also noted that it probably was not necessary for me to have a RhoGAM shot (for Rh incompatibility) after my early ectopic pregnancy / miscarriage. Now that I have had a later miscarriage and received the RhoGAM, I will have to have RhoGAM shots if I have any bleeding in future pregnancies. This will keep my body from attacking the baby's cells if it is Rh positive. Anyway...

Next week I will be going back to the RE's office for blood work. They want to make sure that my pregnancy hormones are dropping off appropriately. If so, we will then be cleared to move on to a frozen embryo transfer (FET) in a couple of months. Right now we are working diligently to plan our trip to Colorado in October and are just trying to be a "normal" couple (no shots, ultrasounds, pills, etc.). More than likely, I will begin suppression (birth control pills / lupron shots) with my October cycle. If that happens, we will probably do our FET in November. We have five frozen embryos left to use...so we might as well use 'em.

Road to Recovery

I had my D&C (dilatation and curettage) performed on Wednesday. I have been recovering at home since that time. Overall I feel pretty well. I think the option of surgery was the right choice and will be much easier to handle versus the alternative (natural miscarriage).

My pre-operative lab work showed that I am blood type A-. The negative stands for "missing the Rh factor". Essentially, it means that I have a rare blood type. Only 15% of the population is shown to be Rh negative. Now, the interesting thing is that Matt is Rh positive. If we do conceive, it is more than likely that the baby will be Rh positive. This can be a bad thing, because my body would recognize the Rh positive factor as a foreign body and would attack it (situation called Rh incompatibility). This situation can be avoided or mostly avoided given modern day science. A first pregnancy is not a risk, given that I wouldn't have produced any antibodies against the Rh positive baby yet. Anything after a first pregnancy can be dangerous, unless you are given an injection of RhoGAM. This injection kills off any Rh positive red blood cells in my body so that I do not create the antibodies to do this in the future. Confusing? Well, it is a bit confusing. Anyway...I was given an injection of RhoGAM after my D&C to help protect any future pregnancies. The one worry that we have at this point is that I was NOT given a RhoGAM injection after my ectopic pregnancy / miscarriage. My nurse at the fertility clinic is looking into this situation for me, as she believes that the injection is not necessary until you are at least 7 or 8 weeks into a pregnancy (which I was not at that time). I am hoping that this is the case so that we have not jeopardized future pregnancies with the possibility of Rh sensitization. Still confused? Sorry! The important thing is that I am not.

Outside of all of this, I am physically and emotionally starting to heal. Each day is a better day, and will continue to be so, I am sure. I have a surgical follow-up appointment with my OB next Friday. I have a follow-up and consult with my reproductive endocrinologist (RE) on September 15th. By that point in time we will be deciding if we are ready to proceed forward with any next steps (i.e. frozen embryo transfer) or not. If we do decide to move forward and jump into this again, I think it will be our last time. Hopefully everything will work out, as I continue to believe that everything happens for a reason.

From Bad to Worse

It is with great sadness that I share the news with you that we have officially lost the pregnancy. Our ultrasound today showed no fetal cardiac activity, the placenta has detached, and the sac is showing signs of collapse. I am scheduled to see my OB tomorrow for a repeat ultrasound and for a pre-op appointment. I will likely be scheduled for a D&C later this week.

I want to thank everyone for supporting us through this difficult journey. It is a sad day for us, and a frustrating end to an even more frustrating process. Outside of taking time to recover and grieve, I am not sure what we plan to do in the future regarding any further fertility treatments. We will take this process one day at a time and come to a decision sometime down the road. During this time, it is ok to feel badly for us, but I ask that you do not feel sorry for us. Life is not always fair, and we are all given difficulties to face. This just happens to be one of our difficulties. Thank you.

The Bad with the Good

Today we went for our second sonogram with the RE. The good news is that we had a visible / detectable heartbeat and that the gestational sac, yolk sac, and fetal pole had all grown just as they should over a one week period. The not so good news is that I am measuring a full week behind (I am 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant but am only measuring 6 weeks 2 days pregnant). The crown to rump measurement today was 5mm, up from 2mm a week ago (apparently at our first sonogram one week ago we were only measuring at 5 weeks 2 days pregnant instead of 6 weeks 2 days pregnant). The RE stated that she has seen plenty of women measure behind and still have a viable pregnancy and deliver healthy babies. Right now it is a positive sign that the growth over a one week period was typical growth. However, we must be cautiously optimistic at this time as things could also go the other way, in that the pregnancy could just stop progressing.

We will be back at the RE's office next Monday for a third sonogram. It is all of our hopes that the growth will continue just as it should, or, even more optimistically, bridge the gap. We also hope that the heartbeat continues to get stronger. If these things do happen for us, we will be released to the OB for the rest of the pregnancy. If not, we will have to deal with the situation that presents itself and move forward.

ONE M&M mini in the Oven!

Well, we are back from our first sonogram, and we are elated to share with everyone that there is only ONE M&M mini in this oven! In the above photograph, the darkened (black) oval is the "sac" that holds the mini. The little blob at the bottom of the sac is the yolk sac which will feed the mini until the placenta is fully formed. The tiny little rice shaped blob above the yolk sac is the fetal pole. The fetal pole is what will become our baby. So - for now we have all of the right parts! We were not able to see the heartbeat today, but it is still a bit early for that. Generally the heartbeat is visible by 7 weeks. I am scheduled for my next sonogram a week from today, and hopefully there will be a heartbeat at that point in time. We will keep you posted.

I am happy to announce that I will be done receiving Progesterone in oil intramuscular injections as of August 11th. At that time I will be switched over to Prometrium, which is NOT a shot! I will continue the Prometrium until August 25th, and then no more hormone replacements at all! The only thing that I will have to continue after the 25th is my prenatal vitamin...I can handle that! I am scheduled for my first OB appointment on August 25th, so we hope that all continues to progress well until then.

Third and Final Beta Test Results!

Today was my final beta test. My previous beta HCG number was 1650. After your number passes 1200 it is supposed to take between 3 and 4 days for it to double. It has only been three days since my last beta, and my number has increased to 3657...which is more than double. Everything is still progressing just as it should, if not better. Our number is still above average, so there is a chance that more than one of the minis decided to call my belly home. We will find out officially one week from today when we have our first sonogram. That appointment is scheduled for 9:30am.

(if anyone is interested in learning more about beta HCG numbers, or would like to see how ours have compared to the averages, feel free to check out this informative website: http://www.ivfer.com/hcg.htm)

I am doing well. The stim drugs in combination with my pregnancy hormones has caused my lower abdomen to become a bit distended. I feel fine, though. I am more tired than normal but am functioning well overall. I have not had any sickness as of yet, but that can creep up at any time. I don't mind any of my symptoms, though, as I am just happy to be in a situation to have the symptoms in the first place. No complaints here!

We will let everyone know the results of our sonogram sometime by Monday afternoon. If all goes well at that appointment, hopefully we will be able to start relaxing and enjoying the pregnancy even more.

Beta Results #2

Well, today was the second beta test to see how our HCG number was increasing. My nurse informed me that they like to see a 60% increase over the first number. (Our first number was 945, so a 60% increase would have been 1512.) Well, we aren't messing around here, so we threw up a big ole' 1650...almost a 75% increase. The pregnancy at this point is progressing quite well. The average beta number at this stage is around 1200, so we are beating the averages all around.

Monday will be the third and final beta test. If things are still going as well as they have been, then we will be ready to schedule our first ultrasound for around the six week mark (when we will find out if just one or both of the minis dug in). We'll continue to keep you all posted!

THE RESULTS ARE IN!

This is a picture of a home pregnancy test that I did this morning. We have had positive results going back about seven days, so we have been cautiously optimistic. We were looking forward to the beta test today to get confirmation and to find out how strong our "number" was. Well, it was great news. At 13 days past a 5 day embryo transfer, our HCG number was 945! According to one website, the average number for a positive test 13 days past transfer is 522. Anything over 100 is considered a decent number, so we blew both of these numbers away. This is a very good sign that this is a strong and viable pregnancy. Today I am officially 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant. If everything goes well, our estimated due date (according to one online calculator) would be March 16, 2007.

I need to go back on Friday and again on Monday to have additional blood work done. Per standard procedure, the doctor wants to make sure that the HCG numbers double every two days. Once I have my beta completed on Monday, and if everything is still on track, we will be able to schedule an ultrasound for about my six week mark. At that time the RE would look to see how many sacs are in the uterus (one or two) and if we have a heartbeat(s) yet.

We wanted to use this site to congratulate all of the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends to be! Just to let you in on a little secret, we have come up with some potential names for our baby (or babies). These are the number one choices for a girl or a boy...I'm sure you will agree that they are just splendid!

• Girl: Judith Joanne Ritter
• Boy: Jerome Robert Ritter

Runners up for the list are as follows:

• Girl: Woodrina Hayes Ritter
• Boy: Santa Pizza Ritter

Of course we would welcome any input regarding our short list, but we are fairly certain that these are the best options....aren't they all just beautiful?

(disclaimer: for those of you who don't know our senses of humor all that well, we have to admit that these names are a joke! As lovely as they are, we will not actually be using them for our child (children). Thank you.)

Stay Tuned!

Only two more days until the beta test! Wednesday afternoon will be the big announcement (one way or the other) on this blog. Wish us luck!

The Waiting Game

Well, as you all know, we are still waiting for our upcoming beta test on July 12th. Only six more days to go, so it isn't too bad. I am feeling much better these days. My hips and butt only mildly ache, and the shots seem to be getting more comfortable. I hope things stay this way. Matt is traveling this week and driving race cars down in Alabama, so I have to have a friend (who is also a nurse) come over and shoot up my behind. I am lucky to have a back-up for when Matt is not here. I am fairly tired at various parts of the day, and I am a bit short of breath. These things are both quite out of the ordinary for me. The progesterone injections can cause fatigue, so I am blaming them for the moment. Not much else worthy of mention right now...so, onto the 12th already!

Frozen M&M Minis

Good news! Of the nine "leftover" embryos that we had on Thursday, five made it to the cryopreservation stage! If this cycle does not work for some reason, at least we have these five frozen minis left that we can use for a frozen embryo transfer (FET) some time down the road.

tick tock...Tick Tock...TICK TOCK

We are three days post transfer, and all we are doing is waiting. Tick tock.... I am feeling much better these days. Tick tock.... My bloating has mostly subsided, and my abdominal area feels almost back to normal. Tick tock... My only complaint is still the soreness in my hips / butt due to the daily IM injections. Tick tock... I am dealing with it better, though, and am just pushing forward. Tick tock... Only ten more days until the beta test and then we can celebrate or move forward to our next steps. TICK TOCK...

The M&M Minis!

Yesterday, Matt and I went to "pick up" our M & M Minis at the Shady Grove facility in Rockville. Of the 16 eggs that had originally fertilized, 6 made it to the blastocyst stage and five made it to the pre-blastocyst stage. We made the decision to put back only two, leaving us with nine leftovers that will continue to be monitored. Any embryos that are still doing well in a few days will be cryopreserved for potential future use. I am now done with my 24 hours of bedrest, and I must begin my 2 to 3 days of light activity. During our wait until the beta test, I must still take a prenatal vitamin, a baby aspirin, 2 estrace tablets, and my PIO intramuscular injection every day. I am feeling just fine, outside of the fact that the PIO shots have the same effect as arthritis...make me very achey in my butt and hips and forces me to walk like an old woman. If it weren't for that, all would be right with the world!

Pictured above are the M&M Minis that we put back. In two weeks we will know if they are planning to stay with us or not. We will keep you posted!

(photo image of our day five blastocysts graciously provided by Martha Anderson of Shady Grove Fertility Reproductive Science Center of Rockville, MD. Thank you, Martha! Dr. Stephen J. Greenhouse must receive credit for putting the M&M Minis back where they belong!)

Blastocysts come home tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the big day when we go to collect our little blastocysts. Our appointment is scheduled for 11am at the Rockville, MD clinic location. We need to arrive at the clinic by 10:30am. On the trip in, I need to drink approximately 36 oz. of fluid, preferably Gatorade. It is necessary for me to have a full bladder for the egg (blastocyst) transfer. Once I am ready for transfer, the RE will insert a sterile catheter through the cervical opening and into the uterus. They will place the selected blastocyst(s) into the desired location in the uterus and then the catheter will be removed. I need to lay down for at least 20 minutes and then I will be released. I must remain on bedrest for a 24 hour period following the egg transfer. I plan to gather a good collection of books and magazines today for my down time. The 24 hours of bedrest are followed by two to three days of light activity. After this time, I should be able to go back to my normal routine.

My nurse will be calling on Monday of next week to let us know how many blastocysts were cryopreserved. Any that make it to this stage could be used down the road.

We are scheduled for our beta test (test to check for levels of beta-HCG, or pregnancy hormone, in the blood) on July 12th. If the test comes back positive, then we celebrate. If it comes back negative, we are already scheduled for a follow-up appointment with our RE on July 26th. At this appointment we would talk about any next steps that we might take, such as FET (frozen embryo transfer).

"How to give your horse an intramuscular injection..."

In my search to justify my pain related to PIO intramuscular injections, I came across this weblink. I did a Google search for "intramuscular injections PIO" and the above quote was splayed across the screen under the title: useful links. I had no idea that learning how to give my horse (which I didn't even know that I had) an intramuscular injection would help me in any way, but who am I to judge? Isn't the internet a god in a sense...all-knowing? Isn't it supposed to provide me with all the answers that I seek? Ah...or do I actually have to disseminate the information that it so willingly provides? I am going with the latter. I will skip learning how to shoot up my non-existent horse for now.

My actual quest was to find information that would help me to rationalize and to justify my fear of the PIO shots. I kept telling myself that I was a being a total sissy....that I dreaded these shots for no reason. Everybody is doing it (well, everybody in the IVF world, that is), right? So - what is the big deal? I didn't often hear other people complain about these injections, so I thought that my fears and pain must be irrational. Apparently, though, I was wrong. Through my internet searches, I have learned that I do not lack for company at this party. Women across the infertility world are banding together to compare notes on the side effects of these injections and tips for avoiding the unpleasant ones (which, frankly, they all are).

I have learned that regardless of what you do beforehand, afterward, or in the middle, that you will end up sore. There will be bleeding. There will be bruising. There could be lumping under the skin. This will not get better during the duration of the time that these injections are necessary. You must only get more clever in your attempts to avoid hitting a previously injected site, as this will just make all of the side-effects that much worse (this feat, however, is nearly impossible given the potential timeframe for the shots). Some general tips for making the most of it:

• Thoroughly warm the oil prior to giving the injection. This will thin the oil and make it easier to inject. You can warm the oil by placing it in your bra for ten minutes, or by running it under very warm (not hot) water.
• Make sure that the person who is administering the shot gets the injection site pulled as taut as possible. This will help to eliminate some of the potential bruising involved.
• Always remember to pull back on the plunger once the needle is inserted to check for blood. Blood would be a sign that a vein has been hit, and this can cause serious problems.
• Inject all of the oil slowly and steadily.
• Pull the needle straight out after completing the injection, and do this quickly.
• Apply gauze or a bandage, and gently massage the oil into the muscle.
• Apply heat (heating pad or warm washcloth) as you massage. This will keep the oil thin and help it dissolve into the muscle more easily.
• Walk around, walk up stairs...do whatever you can to keep your muscle loose. This will cause less aches and pains in the morning (although not much less).
• Avoid punching the person who has given you the shot. They are only doing their "job", therefore retaliation would be seen as less than called for. Remember...your partner is suffering through this process, too (yeah...right!)

Even by following these instructions, women have complained that they still have sore spots MONTHS or more after receiving their last shot. So - we pay a great price to gain a great reward. Hopefully any children produced via this process will appreciate later in life the true sacrifice of their mothers. If not, I do think it is fair to punish them for their insolence....well, ok, maybe not. But - I do think bigger presents would be in order for Mother's Day for sure!

No Transfer For Us Today!!!!

This is fantastic news. We have officially been pushed off until Thursday for our embryo transfer. This means that at least the majority of our embryos are still dividing and progressing well, so we will be doing a five day blastocyst transfer. Given that we will be doing a five day transfer, we will only be putting two embryos back.

I haven't heard back from my nurse yet to find out how many of the embryos are still going strong, but I will update this post as soon as she calls!

Today is the first day since my egg retrieval that I am feeling almost human again. These last few days have been very difficult for me physically, but I am turning the corner. Now, my biggest complaint is that my backside aches all of the time. As soon as one side starts feeling better after receiving a PIO injection, it is time to get shot up on that side again. I am very willing to look at this as a happy problem to have if we end up pregnant in the end.

Still looking good!

Today's fertilization report showed that all 16 eggs that fertilized are now "cleaving". This means that they are dividing as they should. It is a very positive sign that all of them have continued to progress. I have to wait until tomorrow morning for another report to tell us if we are doing our embryo transfer tomorrow afternoon, or if we get to wait until Thursday. I should know by 10am. We are certainly hoping to be able to do the five day transfer, as the odds of implantation are much better at that stage.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye....Fertilization Report

Out of the 22 follicles that they retrieved yesterday, we had a whopping 16 fertilize. This is great news, and it is above the average number for fertilization. Tomorrow we will receive another report telling us how all of the cells are dividing. We will find out at that time whether we will be doing a 3 day transfer (Tuesday) or a 5 to 6 day transfer (Thursday or Friday). We hope to make it to a five day transfer, as the embryos reach the blastocyst stage at this time and have a much better implantation rate.

More Photos from ER Day at Shady Grove

Me all hooked up. Also pics of my two fantastic nurses. The staff at Shady Grove is top notch!

ER DAY

Well, today was the big day....egg retrieval day. I woke up at 5am to get some food in my tummy and then went back to bed for a bit. I drank a bunch of Gatorade up until 8:30am and then I was cut off from all food and drink. I was able to shower this morning, but I could not put on lotion, perfume, makeup, or jewelry, so I was looking absolutely stunning today.

We arrived at Shady Grove and got things started immediately. I was first hooked up to an IV to get some fluids in me. After that, one of my nurses took my vitals and got me admitted (please note: "admitted" NOT "committed"). A bit later my anesthetist came in and got me prepped for the procedure. I had to empty my bladder and then walk with my IV into the procedure room. He pumped in some meds that would start making me sleepy, and oh did I love those! I was awake for another minute, and the next thing I remember is coming to in the recovery room. Because my heart rate / pulse dropped to 50 during the procedure, I had to have additional special meds given to me via IV. These meds caused me to have severe cotton mouth and made me feel a bit sick. Upon coming to, I was given anti-nausea meds in my IV and I took some Tylenol. The Tylenol wasn't cutting it, so I was given Vicodin, as well. Given the amount of discomfort I felt, my nurse administered some pain medication to my IV on top of the Vicodin and Tylenol. This helped tremendously, and I was able to go home soon after that. All in all, the results were quite pleasantly surpising. They were able to retrieve 22 follicles.

The ride home was brutal with all of the bumps and turns, but I have been feeling much better since arriving home. Matt administered my first progesterone in oil (PIO) intramuscular (IM)injection this evening, and it wasn't too bad. My muscle sort of jumped / contracted when the needle went in, but outside of that it was fine. Matt needs to massage the area for me after I receive a shot and then I need to put some heat on it. I also walk around for a bit to work out some of the pain. All of these things help to make the muscle feel better and help to keep the oil from pooling in that one spot and becoming lumpy. I need to take the rest of my hormones, vitamins, aspirin, and meds later this evening. I have to take it easy the rest of the day today and tomorrow, but I will should be all better come Monday. We will receive a fertilization report tomorrow afternoon from my primary nurse, and she will be able to tell us how many eggs fertilized and how many of those are dividing into multiple cells. By Monday we will know what day our egg transfer will take place.

"Trigger" Happy and The Egg Retrieval

So, the trigger shot went fine. Crazy, though. I had Matt set his clock alarm and his watch alarm to get us up. We had really bad thunderstorms move in last night, and I was worried that we would lose power, the alarm would never go off, and we would not wake up. That would be just my luck! Anyway, the power did go out, but the storms woke us up at 12:24am. The power was back on by that point, and I went downstairs to mix up the shot. I think I was still half asleep. I had a few minutes left prior to shot time, so I asked Matt if I should ice the injection area to help numb it up. Just then...BOOM, CRACK, KA-POW....the power went out again. I was swearing like a sailor, and Matt was frantically searching for the lantern. He was prepared to shoot me up via lantern light if necessary. Thankfully - two minutes later the power came back on. I skipped the icing part and went straight for the shot. Matt didn't hesistate, and he did a great job. The needle did not hurt going in. I only felt some pressure, especially while he was injecting the HCG mixture. After the needle came out, though, I was like...OUCH. It felt like someone had been using my bootie as a punching bag. I had this really deep muscle ache, which I suppose makes sense since the injection is supposed to go deep into the muscle. I massaged the area for a bit and then went back to bed. This morning it still ached, but I went to the gym to try to walk off some of the pain. It isn't too bad now. All in all, today....my belly hurts from the bruising from twice daily shots, my arms are sore from having my blood drawn about 4 times, my bootie hurts from the trigger shot, and my ovaries are totally barking! Well, not literally barking...but barking because they are sore. Don't I make the IVF process sound so appealing? Makes you feel like you missed out by having kids the "traditional" way, doesn't it?

I do not have to have any shots today. I only have to take two antibiotics tonight. Tomorrow I will be up at 5am to get some food in me (I can't eat after 5:45am). Then back to bed and up by 8am to get some liquid in me (no liquids for me after 8:45am). We will leave here by 9:30am to make sure that we are in Rockville by 11:15am. The acutal procedure is scheduled for 12:45pm.

The egg retrieval is a simple surgical procedure, but I will be given a general anesthetic (aaahhh...sleepy time) in order to keep me comfortable. A large needle, guided by ultrasound, will be pushed through the vaginal wall in order to access the ovaries. The follicles will be aspirated into the needle, and the needle will then be removed. An embryologist will be on hand to take the follicles and assess them. We will be given an initial egg report after the procedure. We will continue to get daily fertilization and growth reports from the nurses up until the time of egg transfer. Starting tomorrow night, we will begin the progesterone in oil (PIO) intramuscular injections. These shots are used to prepare my body for a potential pregnancy and to better equip my body to maintain a pregnancy. These are intramuscular (IM) injections that I will receive daily until the time of a pregnancy test. In addition to these shots, I will continue taking my prenatal vitamins and baby aspirin, and I will begin taking another hormone supplement called Estrace. So - the really big stuff all gets started tomorrow. We are well on our way!