Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Urban Ballerina


mommy and daddy told me I can be anything I want to be!

Just Sayin'

Kleenex boxes (or boxes of tissues...but we all know that branding has worked well for Kleenex) are conspirators. Nasty little between-themseves-talkers and conspirators. I swear it to be true. And, exactly how do I know this?

In our house, when a box of Kleenex empties, it might take a few days before a new one appears. I don't know why. That is just how it works. I think because I always remember the necessary task while looking at the empty box, but as soon as I walk away....all bets are off. When at least two boxes have become empty, it really is a kick in the pants to replace the cavernous ones. Doing without one box is fine. But two? Forgeddaboudit.

So, today I replaced two empty Kleenex boxes. I walked the stairway of drudgery ALL THE WAY to the basement to get the much-anticipated replacements. I threw away the old no-longer-doing-their-job boxes. I put the new ones within their fancy and absolutely unnecessary covers. Ahhh....all done.

But wait just a second, the Kleenex boxes plan conspiracies, remember? They know precisely when you have gotten your house in order and are feeling good about yourself. They know that the other boxes are full to the brim and are waiting to be used after you worked so hard for days to complete that very task that allowed you to be at this point of delirium. And, because of that...when you go to that "other" box of Kleenex in the house and pull out a tissue...it just happens to be the last fucking one. (you can almost hear the giggles coming from the other tissue boxes in the house) And every time for the next two days that your nose is running and dripping from freshly born Spring allergies, you go to that empty box and you anticipatingly reach…and you realize yet again that there are no tissues.

And you know what that means? It means that you once again have to remember to replace yet another box...when you thought that you were all done with that sort of thing just that very morning. And, this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME you think you are all done with that sort of thing. Jerks.

I actually think that all paper products work together to do us in. The Kleenex. The napkins. The paper towels. The toilet paper. Oh yeah...they all know the game. They are all in on it. And, seriously…They. ARE. Ridiculous!

So, Kleenex conspiracy? Yep, you got that right.

Just sayin'....