Friday, May 13, 2011

What I see...

When I look at her, I no longer see a baby.  I now see a little girl standing where her baby self once crawled.  For some moms or parents, this might be bittersweet.  Not for me.  Not really.  Don't get me wrong...I do love how a baby looks, feels, and smells, and coos.  I do not love, however, how a baby might cry inconsolably and is mostly ineffectively communicative.  I would rather take a toddler tantrum over a colicky baby any day!  And that is saying something....a whole lot of something!  For this, and for a million and a half other reasons (if you read this blog, you know most of them already given our path to parenthood), Finnley will be an only child.  Maybe under those particular circumstances I should be more sad to see each stage pass...but I can't help it.  I'm not.

I enjoy each new day and each new opportunity for growth.  I am happy knowing that we will always outnumber her, and that when I am anywhere with her she gets all of me.  It makes me thrilled beyond words to know that my daughter is finding her own.  She communicates.  She thinks.  She makes so many connections.  She has a memory.  She has coordination.  She uses her imagination.  She independently plays.  She is engaging.  She sleeps.  She undoes and re-does a buckle on her booster seat ten times a day.  She picks out her own shoes.  She puts on her own sunglasses.  She has a favorite movie.  She has opinions about foods.  She is charming.  She says "please" cuter than anyone else on the planet.  Seriously...what is not to love?

So, as others move forward and add to their families while getting back those "baby days" that they miss...I will continue to drown in the everyday happiness of my burgeoning toddler without missing a beat.  I will take in those new baby looks, feels, smells, and coos in short random bursts while socializing with my friends and their growing families.  It works for me.  It works for our family.

More than anything, I like that Finnley will always be special.  I like that she will always be our favorite, and that we can mean it whenever we say it.  I like where we are right now, and I love imagining each new year and what Finnley will deliver to our doorstep during that time.  All as it should be for me.  All as it should be.

Speaking of special and all as it should be: