Friday, June 12, 2009

The Hotel Mirror and the Ugly Truth

I have heard tales about the second trimester being blissful. And then I have heard how all hell breaks loose in the third trimester. Well, I personally cannot vouch for the expected or apparent blissfulness, but I can certainly say "here here" to the "all hell breaking loose" fiasco.

The third trimester is jam-packed full of ugly truths.

Just the other day I managed to follow my husband in a two car caravan to Washington D.C. It really isn't that bad of a drive from where we live. Only about 2.5 hours. Given that Finnley had rearranged herself in her snuggly womb-motel and was causing me extreme discomfort every time I took a step, 2.5 hours of sitting in a car and NOT walking actually sounded appealing to me. I was ecstatic for the break from the pain.

Eventually when we arrived at the (oh my god how totally freakin' luxurious and picturesque of a) hotel, I did have to find my legs again. The legs were never the problem, though, at least in comparison to my new found pains. This new pain radiated from my lower left abdomen, up and through my hip bone, around my side and to the back of my hip bone, and up my side to the back of my rib cage. The pain is somewhat comparable to gas or ovulation pains...but multiplied to the point when every step sort of makes you gasp and grab your side. My pain only passed for brief periods of about 30 seconds at a time. I found myself walking fast at those junctures just to try to cover more ground without pain. Later, in speaking to my nurse, I discovered that new hell I was experiencing was caused by Finnley moving into a position where she was resting on a bundle of nerves attached to my round ligament. In addition, I was probably also having Braxton-Hicks contractions. Well, I wouldn't know a contraction of any kind if it hit me square in the, I just took her word for it.

So, pain. There is one ugly truth. That new pain goes along with the SPD pain that you are all probably already familiar with from my exacerbated musings on the subject. I won't bore you more with that. Luckily, the new pain decided to take a hiatus today...hopefully because Finnley has readjusted herself into a more favorable (for mommy) position. I do not raise my hands in victory, at any moment, another new pain could be born.

More ugly truths. The hotel mirror. not. my. friend. At our quaint little home in South Jersey, I only have access to mirrors that conveniently expose me mostly to my upper quarters. I can deal with that. I still pretty much look like me from the shoulders up...not too much swelling or puffiness. I generally don't take the time to contort myself into positions where I can catch other angles of my current physique. Stepping out of the shower at the hotel, however, and into the light of the full length mirror right outside the that was a cruel mistake. What the hell is that????? HOW CAN I HAVE A BLUE VARICOSE VEIN THE SIZE OF TEXAS RUNNING RAGGED DOWN THE BACK OF MY LEG??? Why didn't I know about this before??? How will I survive such an unsightly beast living on MY body after the baby comes? Will I ever recover from this travesty? Oh, one can only hope. I have already pleaded my case to my fiscally responsible husband, and I want to have this "thing" taken care of as soon as I can after Finnley arrives...but in his eyes it will all depend on the money factor. No sum can be too large to rid our lives of "this thing", can it??? Really. This. must. go!!!!!

Ugly truth revisited. I have spoken about my literal "pain in the ass" issues previously. I am sure that most would like to skim right over those writings. That is fine. I don't blame you. But, this is my reality. At least somewhere in the midst of every week, I still feel like I have a bag of marbles hanging out of my ass. There. I said it. Disgusted? Too friggin' bad. Sometimes these marbles hurt. Sometimes they are just there. Either way, they suck.

A final truth for the day. I have started producing / secreting colostrum. Not in any mass quantities. Not in a leaky mess. It is simply there waiting to become more of a hinderance in the coming weeks. Now, I know...this hinderance will also allow me to nourish my baby in just a few short months. I get that. Really, I do. Sure, it is a beautiful thing. Agreed. But, couldn't the colustrum come right at the very last days of pregnancy...followed by the milk not coming until the very second the baby is born??? Nawww...that would allow us dignity!

We pregnant folk are not about dignity.

I have resigned to the fact that "WE" are all about ugly truths.

Not often shared...but all too often experienced.


Megan P said...

And share away Miss! It's cathartic in a way....

M and M: said...

Oh, I will. I have a tendency to NOT have a filter...and not so sure that is a always a good thing! But, yes...cathartic indeed! Ahhh...