Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Charlotte's Web is a LIE!

I killed Charlotte. Phew, there...I said it. I didn't actually know it at the time as I was heavily and sadistically dousing her with Home Defense insect killer and then watching her move, fall, twitch, curl up, and eventually die. Nope. That particular knowledge came later.

After a relaxing and lovely outing to the Treehouse Cafe for some mommy and kiddo time (and a decaf, non-fat gingerbread and marshmallow latte'), I brought Finnley home for a good old turkey hot dog, goldfish, and grape lunch. As I stepped out of my car, I couldn't help but notice a HUGE wheel and spoke shaped web within a way-too-close foot of me. And, in the center of that very web was a nasty, hairy, surely-human-face-devouring devil of a creature.

I kept Finnley strapped safely in her car seat, because I am her guardian and protector after all. I could not put her in harms way. So, I quickly sprang into action grabbing the insect killing spray that Matt handily keeps right near the entrance to the screened in porch. I pumped up that bad boy spray, aimed, and started shooting. No prisoners here. No sir. I dominated. I killed the nasty beast. Victory was mine! My child was safe. I was proud.

During Finnley's nap time, I chose to go back to the murder scene and investigate the victim. I found and brought the victim into the house so that I could properly identify her with the help of my little buddy, Google. Turns out, this particular spider is known as a BARN SPIDER. Delving a bit deeper, I also discovered that this barn spider was the same species portrayed by CHARLOTTE in Charlotte's Web.

Ummm...forgive me if I fail to see the resemblance, folks. I took pictures. And, as you can see...MY pictures look nothing like the honey-sweet-voiced animated mommy spider in the movie. NOTHING at all!!! And, also forgive me if I can't imagine myself (or a silly little pig) sitting having stimulating, life-changing conversations with the monstrous version of "Charlotte" that I saw in colorful reality.

So, today I learned that Charlotte's Web is a lie. And, I killed that lie. With lots and lots of chemicals. And? It felt good. And my little world is a seemingly safer and more truthful place for it.

What truths have you discovered lately???

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