Evolultion of a Smile

It starts with daddy. Add a rattle. Shake it. Make it pretend to explode like a bomb on the lips. Shake it some more. Make funny noises with your tongue. Shake it again. And, voila'! Smiles! Doesn't get much sweeter than this!

And so she grows...

A little over two months old now and our Peanut is starting to "fill out". She is actually getting some pudge to her cherub cheeks. I love it! She is starting to smile, although we are still waiting for it to happen more frequently...because that smile could melt an iceberg! She is cooing and squeaking like a mouse.

And?
And?
And?

She is starting to push her chest up off the floor and lift her head up! Oh my! What a big strong girl! Mommy couldn't be more proud.

And?
And?
And?

Mommy is also feeling so much better. And, I REALLY love being Finnley's mommy. It isn't always easy, but it is definitely worth it. I can't wait to see what each new day brings as far as her development is concerned. She is more awake and responsive all the time. Pretty cool to have the privilege of witnessing all that she accopmlishes along the way to becoming a big girl.

Two Months Old!

Two months old already. Hard to believe! Time goes by slowly, but it also seems to fly. Crazy!

Finnley is doing really well. She is now 9lbs 2 oz and is 22 inches long. She is in the 10th percentile for weight, but the 25th to 50th percentile for length. Long and lean. Nothing wrong with that.

Developmentally she is right on track. She is just starting to responsively smile, which is awesome. Cutest thing ever! She is great with her head and neck strength, and her legs are so powerful!

Reflux is still in our lives, but it isn't the end of the world. Finn spits up a full bottle up to once or twice a day, but every once in awhile we skip a day or two...wow! One day it will be gone for good, and we will all be celebrating!

She doesn't go back to the pediatrician again until 4 months. Sheesh! At that point we will talk about starting to introduce some "solid" foods. Can't wait for that! Messy but fun! Batman will be thrilled!

The pics are of our little "Rocker Chick" this morning. What a peanut!

Don't "Hiatus"

Get it...my little play on words?? Oh, I crack myself up! See...I don't want you to "hate us" for going on a brief "hiatus".

Ok...whatever.

I am reopening the blog due to high "demand", but I will not be doing a lot of writing for just a bit. I was just diagnosed with mild post partum depression and am working on getting "well" prior to tending to "the little things" like my blog. I want to make sure that I can share with you all the joy that Finnley has brought to our lives, too. I don't want you all to have to only read about bad days and bad moods all the time. That isn't fair to Finnley, because she really is a sweet little peanut.

I just wanted to be honest about my current situation, although I know that having read some of my previous posts, many of you might not be surprised at my diagnosis. I was never ashamed of sharing our struggles with infertility, and I suppose I shouldn't be ashamed of sharing the fact that I was not oblivious to PPD, either. It affects many women, and I don't want to take away from their experiences by hiding mine from you all. I have been put on a low dose of an antidepressant (Zoloft) for the next six months, and I plan to attend a PPD support group at the local hospital where I delivered. It is a weird feeling to not really be in control of what you are experiencing / feeling on a day to day basis, but hopefully all of that changes in the coming weeks. I know I am making every effort to change my perspective, and with the help of the medication and by reaching out to other moms...I know that that change will come in due time.

I will be adding pics from time to time so you can see how our beautiful babe grows. Thanks for all of the support from those of you who have reached out to me and Matt. We appreciate it, as always.

Mom and Finn

See That???

That.
Right there.
That thing on my husband's knee.
That thing that looks like a towel?

Well, that ain't no towel!

In our house, with a reflux baby...that is what we call a
BURP CLOTH!

Or vomit catcher.

Or spew rag.

Or whatever of the like.

All the same here, folks!
And, it certainly got a workout last night!

First Night without our Peanut

This is the hubby writing a post for once. Last night was our first night out on the town without our little Finnley. We knew, leaving her for the first time would be hard, but she was in good hands with our niece Maggie, who is a sophomore at Villanova. Finnley seemed to enjoy the night with her cousin because the entire night was without incident....thank goodness. She kept her meals down and was a good little girl for Maggie. As a parent, the most comforting thing was texting my niece to tell her we would be home after the encore and her texting back to say "take your time, everything is fine." As every day passes, we are one day closer to the reflux diminishing and Finnley being happy and healthy. We can't wait for that day!

On a side note, it had been since early July when my wife and I last had a date. Last night was a welcome reprieve that involved the Dave Matthews Band concert with great friends of ours, Jen & Troy. We loved our date night at the concert as it helped us realize that we can and will continue to enjoy all life has to offer us as a couple, sometimes with Finnley and sometimes without her.

Thank you Maggie for being a great cousin/niece and babysitter!

How Goes It...

Well, it goes. We can't ask for much more than that.

Finn has had some rough days. The reflux took a turn for the worse this past week. We had changed her over to a hypoallergenic formula, just to see if she had milk protein sensitivities and...all HELL broke loose. We can't be certain that it was the formula. It could be a coincidence. But...she started spitting up a ton. Like, almost 1/2 to 3/4 of her meals. Poor girl. That cannot be fun for her. And, I guarantee it was not fun for mommy.

We switched her back to her Nestle Good Start Gentle Plus formula, and we have started to give her "thickened feeds". We add a tablespoon or more of rice cereal to her bottle to make whatever hits her tummy more likely to stay put. We also have to add her meds to her formula, because her meds are too thin and cause her to throw them straight back up a lot of the time, too.

Initially the thickened feeds weren't great. She was refusing to eat a lot. And, she was still "spitting". And, she was choking a lot...which she always does, though. So, the pediatrician ordered an Upper GI study to be done on her to rule out anatomical abnormalities. That took place yesterday at CHOP (Children's Hospital of Philadelphia). All turned out ok! I was about in tears seeing her solely in her diaper and socks laying on the x-ray table...being fed a bottle of barium liquid. Uggh! Poor peanut! But, she took it all like a champ. She is going to be a fighter / trouper. That much I know.

So, we are just continuing on with our regimen for now. She has gained weight, which is great. Not a ton. Not as much as most "normal" babies would have. But, she is up to 8lbs. 6oz. Not what I would like, but she is at least the size of a newborn now. Hopefully the heavier formula mixture will allow her to add on more weight more quickly by getting extra calories and by keeping more down. A mommy can dare to dream!

In the past 36 hours she has only had one "episode" and that came after she gagged herself on her pacifier. She goes "nutty" trying to "root". And, she forces the paci deep into her mouth. And, sometimes she chokes. Guess she has a severe gag reflex like her daddy. Just another thing to be careful of with her.

She is sleeping "better" at night and having more alert time during the day where she isn't crying. I cherish those improvements. She still has a "witching hour" / colicky time EVERY night starting anytime around 6pm and up until she goes to bed. Not fun, but it will eventually get better, too....RIGHT????


On another note, tomorrow night Matt and I will be attending the Dave Matthews Band concert. Without. The. Baby. SIGGGGGHHHH! As much as I look forward to it, I also dread leaving her. She isn't a "normal happy baby". She requires special treatment and precautions. Infant reflux is much better when "rules" are followed. So, all I can do is offer up the "rules and precautions" and hope for the best! I know she will be fine, but it is a mother's right to worry. Especially the mother of a medically high maintenance baby. Thankyouverymuch.

Lastly, the pics this week are classic Finnley. She LOVES her hands. They are her absolute favorite thing in the world. She uses them to claw her face, to grab her pacifier, to hang onto the burp cloth after being burped, to push her bottle away A LOT...they are AMAZING! The other love of her life is in the pic, too...the pacifier. Oh how she adores it! If only it would stay in her mouth. She has started to jam her thumb or fist into her mouth and try to suck on those, too...the whole operation still needs some work, but she is getting there. I think there is no doubt that she will be right handed AND she will suck her thumb.

Hey, whatever makes her happy!

Look at Me!

Mommy and daddy almost had a total breakdown on Saturday night due to my refluxy and colicky behavior. Apparently they don't like it when I am in pain, am miserable, am screaming and hollering and crying and carrying on. Apparently. Because daddy sent mommy out to CVS at 8:30pm on their anniversary to buy the hypoallergenic formula to try. Happy Anniversary mommy!

My new formula smells bad. I don't really care, though. It makes me poop better. I don't cry when I poop now. Not really, anyway. Not like I did before where I would scream all day leading up to that fine moment...and then get beet red in the face while I strained to get it all out.

And, I don't scream as much during or after feedings. I don't arch as much. I guess maybe I don't hurt so bad? I don't know. Mommy thinks maybe that is it.

I still spit up. I still have bad moments. I still get refluxy and colicky. A lot.


BUT...LOOK AT ME...I actually have some moments where I am awake and not screaming...even when the pacifier isn't being held in my sweet little mouth. Can you believe it? LOOK AT ME!

Mommy says that she hopes that we get to have more moments like these and less of the moments where I am unhappy pretty much non-stop. Mommy is kind of nice like that.

One day, mommy...one day.

Happy Anniversary...and, they don't get to be "crazy"

So, Happy 6 year anniversary to my lovely. I love you with all of my heart, and I can't imagine life without you.

We were supposed to be "celebrating" our anniversary at a work reward trip in Ocean City, MD. What stopped us from doing so? Reflux. Stinkin' effin' reflux. It makes life miserable for all involved. I hate reflux!!!

Finnley is just too cranky / miserable/ uncomfortable to take on a trip. Even a "short trip" that isn't too far away. I / we went back and forth a million times on what was the right thing to do, and in the end...we are staying home. It sucks because Matt should be down in MD with his team tonight, but instead he is going down tomorrow just for an overnight. Reflux affects the whole family, and we ALL suffer in many different ways.

I cannot wait to get to that elusive place of "it will get better". If we don't get there in the next couple of months, you might find me living in the nuthouse. Or, we might all be in the nuthouse. Or at least you might find us packing our bags for that sure to come trip.

In the interim, Finnley has started on yet another different medication. The Zantac made her throw up. The Axid just doesn't seem to be helping, although she doesn't mind taking it at all. So, now on to Prevacid. The Prevacid is hard to administer to an infant because it has to "dissolve in the mouth" and cannot be crushed. So, we have to dissolve the half tablet in water or formula...in a huge syringe...and try to get all the granules to go into her mouth instead of just sticking to the inside of the syring. Not an easy feat, but we will do what we have to do. Let's hope it offers some relief in the coming week. If not? Not sure. Maybe a hypoallergenic formula? Maybe...oh...who freakin' knows.

Outside of that....GGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOO BUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

ARE THEY CRAZY???

And, by "they" I mean "we".
And, by "crazy" I mean "certifiable".

And the answer?

The answer is YES!!!

Why, you ask?

Because this weekend we will be loading up our six week old refluxy baby and driving to Ocean City, MD. And we will be spending the whole weekend there. With our refluxy baby. For a work related reward trip for Matt's employees / dealers. The whole freakin' weekend. Did I mention the part about the refluxy baby? And her being six weeks old?

Oh, ok. Guess I did.

Check back sometime next week to see if we all survived.



And...HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, HONEY!!! Six years down and probably a couple more for us in store! If we can survive our refluxy baby, that is!

5 Week Well - Child - Visit

Today was Finnley's second official "well-child-visit" at the ped's office. Now, due to the reflux we have seen the docs more often, but these are the "important visits".

Finnley weighed in at 7 lbs. 11 oz. That is up from her birth weight of 6 lbs 1 oz...and her lowest weight of 5 lbs 8 oz. Last time she was in she was at 6 lbs 6 oz...a great improvement overall. She is now also 20 1/2 inches long. She finally made it on the charts for a full term babe for weight, albeit only the 10th percentile. And, she is still measuring at the 25th percentile for length. Long skinny girl!

Let's see, what else (she types, losing her train of thought because Finnley is crying off and on continuously and needs to have the HOLE PLUGGED!):The doc said that the colicky behavior could start improving in the next several weeks. Not sure I buy that, but whatever. It is good to have hope! She (at that point) should also start "cooing" and making other noises that happier babies make. We will see about that, too!

The doc does not think that Finnley will have any developmental delays, and she thinks that Finn looks and seems great, outside of the reflux. She is ok with the formula change I made (going against their recommendation of Soy), and she is ok that we are keeping her off the meds. If she loses weight or if she doesn't gain it well, then we will need to put her back on meds. Ok.

She also said that Finnley is responding to noise well, following light well, and looks at things / focuses well. All good news.

Cradle cap? Just put some baby oil on it, brush the flakes off, and shampoo her a few times a week. It will get better.

Jaundice? Nearly gone. Eyes are clear. Just a touch remains on her forehead, but this is "normal". It will get better, as well.

Spotting a trend? Apparently everything "will get better" as time goes on. One can only hope!

I told her (sheepishly) that Matt and I had started having Finnley sleep in her carseat.

I am a fast typer, and I seriously can't hardly type one sentence before she has spit out the pacifier and starts whaling again.

Where was I?

Carseat. Ok.

So, the doc is actually on board with us using the carseat! She said that her son had reflux, too, and that they used the carseat for bedtime because it made his reflux "feel better" and helped him sleep longer. Well, hallelujah to that! Finnley went from not being in the carseat (insert more crying here...oh, and here...diaper change...now let's see...) and letting me get only 3.5 hours of broken sleep one night, including a three hour awake session in the middle of the night TO letting me get two bouts of 3 hours of sleep last night. I will take that.

Oh, the screaming continues....AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Seriously, where is the duct tape?

Anything else? Oh, I don't know. How can anyone think or type with screaming in the background? Guess I will save any other updates from this visit for another day. Like, when Finnley turns 18 and stops crying for two seconds. yeah. Something like that.

OK...wow...she must have been reading this or my thoughts...she stopped crying for a minute!

So, the doctor told me candidly today that she was miserable with her son who had reflux. She said that she and her husband (especially her husband) questioned why they ever wanted to have kids in the first place...that is how bad it was. Well, I know the feeling. But? She says...IT WILL GET BETTER!

Crying resumes. Must go...damn, she is lucky she is so cute...

The Poop Scoop

A few months ago if you asked me if I thought that I would be talking all about poop just a wee bit down the road...I would have thought "no". But, here I am in a new corner of reality, and I find myself talking about poop. A lot. When people ask me how my daughter is doing...I manage to turn the conversation into something about reflux, poop, constipation, gas, or some other ridiculous thing. Not: "she is amazing and wonderful and already reciting the alphabet while crawling around the living room in search of some intellectual knowledge". Nope. I talk about poop.

See, breastmilk caused her discomfort...made the reflux worse. So, she was irritable and colicky. But her poops were frequent. Yellow and seedy. Just as they were supposed to be. Then we tried formula for reflux babies. It did help with some of the reflux issues. But, the pooping stopped. It only occured every other day. And? It meant that while trying to poop there were lots of moments of discomfort, red in the face straining, and sheer unhappiness. For the baby, of course. And the poop? It was thicker and much more abundant at one time. The irritability was pretty bad, so we changed formula. We went with a more "gentle" formula that is supposed to be broken down further and hence is more easily digestible. The result? Thus far...poops more often, poops with less straining, and poops more like "breastmilk poops". Isn't this all just fascinating?

To me it is, because the more my baby poops, and the less she strains, the happier she is. Yesterday she actually was awake for almost four hours at one stretch, and she didn't cry non-stop for the whole four hours. She cried some, sure...but there were glimpses of a calm and content baby in there that I hadn't seen for quite some time. Leading up to this day and this blissful four hour stretch of some sort of contentedness...I had threatened to duct tape the pacifier to Finnley's face to keep it in her mouth. The pacifier "plugs the hole", as I call it...and keeps her quiet and relatively calm. She spits it out ALL THE TIME, though...so, it is not "reliable" in its mission. I was just trying to make it more reliable. That is all.

Is that wrong?

Well, maybe.

Let's hope the new formula keeps helping. For all of our sakes!

Bath Time!

My daddy is so awesome. A few times a week he gives me a bath. I don't even mind so much. It is warm and kind of fun. I think. I get pretty cold afterward and can't wait to be dressed again...but all in all...it is ok. My daddy really is the best for spending this time with me. I love my daddy!

4 weeks old...tomorrow!

Can you belive it? Time has gone quickly and slowly all at the same time. Here is a quick update to let you know how things are going here:

Finnley is a beautiful baby girl and the love of our lives.

Poor Ms. Finn has reflux and has had some tough times. Spitting up huge amounts, discomfort that leads to colicky behavior, etc. So sad!

Given the reflux, we have to take "reflux precautions" with her daily: smaller more frequent meals, frequent burping during meals, 30 minutes of "vertical time" following meals, sleeping on an incline, etc.

Finnley was on Zantac. But...the Zantac often made her throw up. Kind of a moot point then, right? So...no more Zantac for now.

Finn tolerates the formula better than the breastmilk. We have no idea why. So, for now...she is on formula 24/7. She is on Similac Sensitive RS which has added rice starch. It is supposed to make her feel fuller and help her keep more meals down. Only one big spit up in about 48 hours. Not too bad.

Sleep is a thing of the past, but she has some good nights. Last night she went almost 5 hours in a row! Woo hoo!

She has crazy long fingers. Not sure where they came from.

She has really strong legs. She likes to "climb" or push up off of your hands while laying on your chest. She puts herself almost into a standing position, albeit while supporting her body on ours.

She squeaks like a mouse. Seriously. Cutest damn thing ever!

She has gigantic blue eyes. I hope she keeps them!

She is putting on weight. She is at least 7 lbs. now. She goes in on September 8th for her 5 week checkup. Can't wait to see how she has grown by then. Hopefully close to 8 lbs. That would be awesome!

My breasts leak when they "hear" Finnley cry. The body is weird and amazing. I am not even breastfeeding right now, but they still know...

I am 4 pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight, but I still wear maternity pants. The "uterus gut" is still in existence, and I still have a mild bit of swelling. One day I will wear real clothes again. Maybe.

I have managed to "cook" one meal since being home. Pasta. With red sauce. Wow...aren't I amazing?

I sometimes even manage to do some laundry. And I shower daily. The little things are now BIG THINGS. Trust me.

Finnley and I have managed a few solo outings. Well, not exactly solo. The dog did come with one time. We went to Target. We went to the bank and the pet store. Aren't we something?

I had two glasses of wine last night. Hallelujah!!!!

Not sure what else to say at this point. Each day is a challenge yet also a huge reward. Nothing like having my little peanut fall asleep on my chest after a meal...and breathe her hot and damp formula breath on my neck...and keep me all warm. I cherish those moments.

The pics were both taken today. Once while all dressed up for the day. Once after spitting up all over herself and mommy...so, and outfit change was in order. Lounge clothes anyone?

The Rock Star and The Opening Act

No, this post is not about concerts or music. It is about my breasts.

One is a superstar. A rock star. It is a grand producer and expresser. I can pump up to 3 ounces in 10 minutes or so. It is always a huge breast, and it is always uncomfortable.

The other is the equivalent of an opening act. It does its job. It isn't half bad. But, it cannot compete with the rock star. Nope...this one will never steal the show. It is usually about half the size of its "sister", and I can pump about 2 ounces from it in 10 minutes. Not nearly as efficient.

And, my daughter knows the difference. She fills quickly on one side and needs to take her time on the other.

Did I ever think I would be having this "conversation" about my breasts. Not really. Do I mind? Absolutely not.

Soon to be performing (possibly full time) on the big stage is Similac Sensitive RS formula. We have started to introduce it in the bottle. Finnley loved it. It took a bit to get comfortable with the bottle, but once she was going, she was a happy girl. And? She was extremely content afterward. No arching. No screaming. No crying. No signs of discomfort. That was the whole point of giving it a shot. The formula has rice cereal in it to help her keep the feedings down, and it is a sensitive formula that is designed to reduce "colic" and fussiness. Maybe we are on to something here? We can only hope.

So, the girls might be producing their final acts in the coming weeks. I am sure they will enjoy the rest of their stage time, although the weaning period means lots of pain and engorgement for mommy. I am sure we will all somehow survive.

The latest pics were taken last night of Finn with her daddy. She is in a "milk coma". Not sure what kind of coma daddy is in...probably just a basic sleep deprivation one.

Two Weeks and 4 Days...

So, I should have been 39 weeks pregnant with Finnley today. Instead, she is a whole 2 weeks and 4 days old. Still somewhat amazing to think that she is here with us in the "real world". So, what has transpired in that time?

Sadly, at 1.5 weeks old our happy and content baby girl started "spitting up". And, when I say "spitting up", I mean she was a gurgling / bubbling fountain that seemed to not stop until her stomach was empty. After several voluminous episodes over a pretty short period of time, we called the pediatrician's office. After taking her in, we found out that she probably has reflux (or GERD). The spitting up was quite scary, but it wasn't the end of the world. Things took a turn for the worse, though, when feedings started to turn our sweet little girl into an inconsolable and obviously uncomfortable wee one. This led to yet more calls to the ped's office and yet another doctor's appointment. The good news? Ms. Finn Finn had gained 7 ounces in 4 days. She had surpassed her birthweight and was weighing in at a whopping 6lbs and 6oz. Go, little Finn! The bad news? Definitely sounds like reflux.

Our poor little girl is now on Zantac twice a day. She hates it. It "tastes like crap" according to the doctor. This is obvious. She threw it up twice last night. Fun! In addition to the Zantac, we must take "reflux precautions" with her every day. This means: frequent, smaller feedings; she must remain "vertical" or upright for at least a half hour after a feeding; she cannot be jostled after a meal (no diaper changes or clothes changes); she must be burped as much as possible during and after a feeding (although she rarely burps); etc. Even with taking these precautions and with the Zantac, she is still having a tough time. It breaks mommy's heart to see her little girl arch her back, go red in the face, flail her hands and legs, and scream after a feeding. It sometimes takes me up to an hour to really get her to fully calm down and go back to sleep. I hope over time the Zantac gives her some relief.

Outside of that, Finnley is a beautiful and wonderful little girl. It is so nice when we see her "smile", even though these aren't "real smiles" quite yet. It is so good to have moments of awake time that aren't coupled with discomfort where she just looks up at us in wonder. She is our little miracle. I wish the best for her and hope that relief is soon on the way. She deserves that much.

Mommy is still a "milk machine" and will be for the time being. We will try having Matt give her the first official "bottle feeding" of breast milk this weekend. I hope to start introducing a couple of bottles a day to get some relief for myself. I will still have to pump, but it would allow daddy to bond with his daughter and for mommy to take a brief break. We will see how this transition goes. I am still non-commital as far as how long I will exclusively breast feed...but we are almost three weeks in thus far. That is three weeks that she has been given the "best".

More to come as I have more free time (yeah right) to post. Enjoy the couple of new pics for now!

Out with it, already!!!

I have finally decided to devote the time to giving you all an update. I have been home a whole week now, so I figured it was overdue...or at least due.

So, how did Finnley finally come to join our family? Well, here is a brief recap:

all of my tocolytics (anti-contraction meds) were stopped on the Wednesday that I hit 36 weeks

contractions started picking up, but nothing had happened

by Friday morning (two days later), they were becoming stronger and more frequent, but they would back off a bit here and there

by Friday afternoon, the contractions were so strong that I couldn't sit in bed or in a chair...I needed to stand up and rock back and forth and breathe through them

the nurse, who noted that "the doctor will probably not be very anxious to check you" DID agree to hook me up the monitors. Gee...thanks for your compassion.

thank god for a shift change and new nurse! Contractions were hitting the "top of the page" and flatlining across the top. Nice nurse was given orders to have an IV started and to give me up to two doses of brethine.

IV does nothing. Never does. Second shot of brethine finally tames the contractions, but that only lasts until 4am. Nurse thinks baby will be coming soon.

another shift change, and the contractions are ridiculous at this point. Painful. Horrible. Ridiculous. Doc decides to come check me after talking to the nurse.

DILATED TO 5 CM!!! Doc says, "we are having a baby today!" What a relief because the contractions were going to kill me soon.

call the husband. he is going to jump in the shower and come straight over. Arrives to find the nurses directing him to immediately change into his scrubs and follow us over the OR.

spinal is put in...ahhhh, sweet relief from the contractions. Now the nerves kick in as I realize that I am going to be sliced wide open on the other side of the big blue curtain.

lovely joins me in the OR...and at 8:39am Finnley Piper is born. All within an hour and a half of me calling lovely at home. Wow!!! She is 19 inches long and weighs in at 6lbs. 1oz. Not bad, early girl!

wheeled to recovery and baby is taken to the nursery. I have an extended stay in recovery due to high blood pressure issues...WTF??? The previous 2.5 weeks in the hospital I was monitored for low blood pressure, and now it is high?

all tests are normal. given meds to control the BP. finally taken to my room and get to see my daughter.

quickly realize that having a C-section really means you had major abdominal surgery. Really? Try to refuse the Percocet due to its "binding effects", but soon have to give in and take it. Doc says, "there are always a handful of you that try not to take the pain meds. you need the pain meds." Got it doc! You are right, and you win!

blood pressure issues continue. Nurse panics when it hits 199/100. Hmmm...is that high? Now it is a problem exacerbated by a self-fufilling prophecy. You tell me it is high. I am anxious because it is high. I get more anxious every time I hear the BP cart being wheeled toward my room. Problem probably worse than it really is.

regardless, I am put back on Procardia. Doc thinks that taking me off both tocolytics cold-turkey caused a rebound effect and was now causing the opposite problem. Fun! This buys me an extra day in the hospital. Ok. When you feel like dying after surgery, the hospital isn't a bad place to be.

3 weeks after being sent to the hospital, I am finally discharged along with my "impatient to join the world" little girl. The family is whole again and is going home to start a new chapter in their lives.

That is how it happened, without adding too many details that no one would care about. So, now that we are home...how goes it, you ask???

parenting is better than anyone could ever describe

parenting is more challenging than anyone could ever describe

breastfeeding is hard work. painful, bleeding, cracked nipples in the early days / weeks...wow...not fun. engorged boobs that you swear belong on a slutty porn star and not your body...wow...also not fun. not being able to share the feeding demands of a newborn with anyone else, including during the middle of the night...wow...not fun. benefits that the baby is getting from all of my tortures...priceless. let's hope it is working, and she is putting on weight as she should. We will find out on Friday.

sleep deprivation can cause frustration. and sleepiness. mostly sleepiness.

as of this morning, I am down 14 pounds after having my little peanut. 3 more pounds to hit my post-IVF / beginning of first trimester weight. 7 pounds to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I can live with that.

the dog is still trying to figure out what a "Finnley" is, but he is a lover regardless. Finn has been showered in countless amounts of sloppy pooch kisses. Batman also thinks her diapers smell fascinating. Oh, and he gets scared or shocked every time that he hears her release an explosive poop. It is a funny scene to witness.

lovely makes the most wonderful daddy in the whole world. I already knew he was an amazing man and an outstanding husband...but it is so touching to see him with his daughter. One cannot describe the amount of love that is shared when the two of them are together. Worth every second of every minute that I have endured to get to this point. I love my family.

Coming up?

I have a post partum OB checkup tomorrow for my blood pressure issues. We will see if I can start to be weaned off the BP meds or not.

orthodontist is actually making a house call tomorrow to change my power bands. should be the last "appointment" prior to the braces coming off.

weight check for Ms. Finn on Friday morning

hip ultrasound for Ms. Finn on Septmber 1st. All breech presentation babies must have this u/s done to check for any dislocation or or damage to the hip joints. Docs think she is fine, but we need to know for sure.

6 week postpartum checkup for me at the OB's office

That is the long and short of it. Updates will continue and will be more frequent (hopefully) as I recover even more. Can't wait until I feel like "me" again. Or the new version of me...you know, the one with the huge boobs.

To Tide you over...

I am finally home from the hospital!!! After three weeks of living there. And, we brought our miracle home. I am, however, still recovering and cannot spend much time up and about...or doing anything really. So, a post about labor / C-sections / being a new parent will have to wait. All I can say is even though I am in pain...we are IN LOVE! Here our some pictures of our precious little girl to tide you over until the next post.

Thanks to all for the congratulations and kind comments!

Happy Birthday Finnley Piper Ritter!

Hello all!

This is Auntie Cate reporting. I'm fresh from meeting the newest addition to the Ritter family, and on behalf of Mom, Dad, Finn and Batman, sharing some details with all of you!

First let me just state that she is perfect, beautiful, darling (insert adjective here). Little Finnley made her arrival at 8:49 this morning weighing in at 6.1 lbs, and measuring at 19"long.

She is a healthy, happy, and so far sleepy babe that on occasion will grace those in her presence with a batting of the eyes, or even the sweetest wee noise. A noise that is reminiscent of a meeping little mouse.

Mom and Finnley and resting comfortably, and the family wants to thank everyone for the never ending support and kind words. Finnley is a miracle and blessing, and we are all so thankful that she is finally here and healthy!

Now I am honored to present Finnley Piper Ritter:


Hello world!

Dad and Finnley in the nursery.

My clothes are HUGE on me!

The all American Family.

Small Window to my sad little World

Here it is...

Status: still pregnant, off all meds, still contracting, mostly miserable, no cervical changes, no active labor, no idea when anything will happen.

Location: still in the big stupid ugly hospital.

Weight gain: loss, actually. total gain is now about 16.5 lbs.

Attitude: depends on the time of the day and how close / strong contractions are.

Baby: looks great. she is happy as a clam. HR is awesome. reactivity is great. no issues at all.

Appetite: varies day to day / throughout the day. not much of one. supplementing overall diet with Ensure for weight gain / weight maintenance.

View: a brick wall, some tree tops, a roof top, and lots of air conditioning and mechanical equipment.

General info: desperately miss my husband, my dog, my house, my bed, driving a car, being outside...and so much more.

Prediction: I will never go into real labor. I will never dilate to 5 cm. I will never have my water break. I will contract for the next 40 years. Finnley will be the first baby to ever actually fully grow up in her mother's womb. Murphy will be laughing wherever it is that he hides out and does evil things to people while working up new tortuous "laws".

Belly Shot Chronicles - 36 weeks

I have talent. And, apparently I am not modest. This photo was made possible by me using the self-timer on the camera while I am laid up in the hospital. Little pat on the back for me. And, now you all get to "reap the benefits" of my talent by being able to view my burgeoning belly once again. Thrilled? I knew it!

36 weeks is a huge milestone according to the doctors and to the March of Dimes. That is great news for Finnley. She continues to be a trouper and have great reports on her heartrate and reactivity during monitoring. We can't really ask for more than that.

I am miserable. But, that is the price to be paid to bring our sweet miracle into this world...and it is a price that I am willing to pay. I will complain a bit about it. I will moan and groan. I will look bad. I will shower every other day. I will do all sorts of things that are less than appealing, less than attractive...and may come off as less than appreciative. Don't ever read these things the wrong way. I couldn't be more appreciative of the coming gift. It is still our dream come true. It is just being realized a little bit differently than we had imagined. Life has a way of doing that to you, though. So be it.

I was taken off of one of my tocolytics (anti-contraction meds) as of yesterday. That hasn't gone very well. I am still on one of the meds, but it is not enough to keep the contractions at bay. I started contracting every 5 minutes starting at 2:30pm. Those contractions lasted for hours, and the doctors just let them come for a long time. After being checked (a nice term for an "internal"), it showed that I was not having any cervical change. So, the doc decided to shoot me up with sub-Q brethine yet again. This was to stop the contractions so that I could actually get some sleep last night. The contractions had been coming every two to four minutes by the time I got the shot. It was actually a relief, and I did get "some" sleep. Better than nothing, and it was certainly better than enduring the discomfort and pain of the contractions.

I woke up having contractions again today, but they weren't too bad. They eventually moved up to the bad status a little after noon. After a couple of hours, I asked to be monitored. The contractions were coming strongly every 5 minutes...so the nurse called the doc who once again ordered more sub-Q injections of brethine. Did the trick, once again.

I am coming off of the second tocolytic after my 6am dose tomorrow morning. I am ASSUMING that they will no longer give me brethine injections to stop contractions at that point. I am also ASSUMING that they will let me just contract until cervical changes DO come. I will only know these things after seeing the doc on duty either tonight or tomorrow morning. Finnley could arrive anytime starting tomorrow...or it still could be in another few weeks. We have no way of knowing.

Patience is a virtue. One that I am practicing daily...minute by minute at this point. I should be a master by the time that our little girl does decide to join our family.

Come on Finnley...we can't wait for you to meet your talented and modest parents!

Hospital Baby Shower...the only way to roll

For a person who never does anything the easy way or the normal way...what better place to have their baby shower than in the hospital? I mean, really? That is just how I roll!

It was a fantastic afternoon, as I was "sprung free" from my now private single room prison and was let loose in the conference room in the hospital basement. Well, if you can call being "let loose" sitting mostly still in a parked wheelchair at the head of a gigantic oval shaped table for just over two hours. At this point, I do.

It was a small gathering of some close neighbors and friends, and it couldn't have been any better. I got to see people. I got to converse with people. I got to have semi-normal clothing on. I wasn't in a bed. Ahhhhhh! In addition, I got to see my husband for more than fifteen minutes or a half hour at a time...and I got to see him "relax" a bit and just be himself with friends. This whole situation has not been easy on him, and I was happy to see him smile, laugh, and enjoy the room full of company. I am sure it felt good to him. (Or maybe it was the liquor that he smuggled into the hospital that made him feel good...does it matter?) Did I mention how cute he looked today? Well, there was that, too.

The cake was adorable. The gifts were plentiful and beyond generous. The company was outstanding. I really couldn't have asked for more.

So, thank you again to all the friends who were willing to travel to the dreary hospital to spend the better part of an afternoon with us. Thank you for your time and for your generosity. We more than appreciate it.

Now let's get this baby show on the road! I am ready!

Consistent Inconsistency

Well, the good news is that I am not supposed to be on an upped dosage of terbutaline. The bad news? Obviously some people are confused or don't know what is going on. So, I may or may not have had increased meds today...but I swear after my second round of meds this afternoon I felt like a caffeine virgin after an espresso party. And...my nurse told me that I was taking an upped dose and that she had double checked that I had a change order for it. So, I am lead to believe that I did have the upped dose at least once, if not twice, today. Interesting, right?

Well, my night shift nurse is on top of it and says that it ISN'T the case that I should be on the additional 2.5mg. She triple checked...which is better than double checking, apparently. She isn't sure what happened, and she wanted to know if I wanted to file an "incident report". Well, I don't. I am not that person. I just want everyone to be on the same page moving forward, and I want to know that I am getting the right meds in the right amount at the right time. That isn't asking for a lot, right?

I will sleep better tonight on the lesser dose, anyway. And, regardless...the meds are allowing me to attend my baby shower tomorrow. Of course it will be in the conference room at the hospital. And, I will be in a wheelchair. But, nontheless...I will be there.

That is the update. Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Jerks...

They apparently decided to re-up my dosage of terbutaline today, but they also apparently forgot to mention it until this afternoon! Jerks. I haven't seen the doc on rounds yet today, but my nurse this morning could have said something. I swore I was taking more. I usually take a half of a pill, and I was pretty sure that I took a full pill this morning. Thankfully my nurse for the afternoon recognized the change order and told me. I knew I felt "crazier" than normal. The higher dosage of terbutaline causes a lot of unpleasant side effects: shakes, tremors, increased pulse, more rapid breathing, anxiety...you name it.

My best guess is that they took a disliking to the fact that I was still contracting quite a bit during my monitoring sessions. Yesterday morning I had at least 5 regular contractions, in addition to the the normal "uterine irritability" that I display. I had at least 3 regular contractions along with the irritability last night. These two sessions must have translated themselves into more drugs. Booo!

Outside of just blogging to complain, I suppose I could mention one good note: I got moved into a fully private room this afternoon. I will not have a roommate again during my stay on the antepartum unit. Thankfreakingoodness!!! I am not sure that the private room makes up for the "secret" increase in drugs...but it does help make me a bit less angry of a patient.

A bit...

Belly Shot Chronicles...from the hospital - 35 Weeks 1 Day

So, I said that this would not happen...but I guess I lied. Here I am posting belly shots at 35 weeks and 1 day. (My lovely was kind enough to bring the camera to the hospital and snap a couple of photos this afternoon. Nice husband!) 3 weeks have passed since you last saw the belly, so there should definetly be a noticeable change this time around. Oddly enough, though, my weight remains pretty much unchanged. I still hover around a weight gain total of 18 pounds at this point. Strange, but I am not complaining. The less I put on, the less I have to take off.

Nothing much has changed in the last few days. I still sit here in my hospital prison, eating my hospital food, chatting up my hospital friends (aka, nurses), doing my little hospital routines. I have had a roommate for the last few days, and that has been a challenge. I, of course, prefer my privacy. Who wouldn't, especially having been here so long? But, most roommates would probably be better than this one. She is young. She is white trash (no other nicer way to put this). Her husband and mother are loud and smell like cigarettes. And? My roommate is actually on the NICOTINE patch...because she hasn't had a cigarette since being admitted to the hospital. Did I mention that she is 37 weeks pregnant? WTF? Really, really classy. ugggggh!

The good news? I am pretty sure she is being discharged by tomorrow afternoon. I hope that happens! And, I also hope that I don't get another rooommate anytime soon.

Saturday is the day of my "local baby shower". It is now partially taking place in a conference room at the hospital so that I can be in attendance for an hour. Everyone loves a baby shower at the hospital, right? Well, if not...they will just have to suck it up this once. I am just happy to have something to look forward to and to help break up the monotony of my long prison sentence.

Enjoy the unexpected photos, and stay tuned to "baby watch"!